tourandarling

won't you all just be gone?

2009-05-05T11:17:00.002+08:00

i wake up feeling lost and feeble. looking for an outlet to release some form of pain. desiring the very fact that no one is around and maybe, i get to scream a lil. then again, judging the person i am, i won't do anything of such sort. i wish everyone would disappear to somewhere happier, and leave me alone to suffer in a world of no end.

d i s t r e s s & c o m a

2009-05-05T01:37:00.006+08:00

btw been meaning to show this quite some time ago.

the GazettE - Distress and Coma

Until your distress sleeps...Fill me up with your grief

Hello...dear my bride nani wo miteiru no
yuka ni chitta chou mo hiroenu sono me de

wasuretai no wa shiro sugita kutsuu shinjiteru to iikikasu kizu ha kienai

odoru odoru nemurasete to odoru yamanu namida
koe wo koroshi yowaku furueru te ni kuchibiru wo otosu

Hello...dear my bride ashimoto wo yaku
miminari ni mou chikadzuku hitsuyou nado

muishiki ni haita iki ga hada wo sou kamoku yurasu yaiba ni emi wo...
wasuretai no wa shiro sugita kutsuu shinjiteru to iikikasu kizu wa kienai

yaseta yume ni samenu ima* ga utsuru kanashimi sae
sugao da yo to kotaete kureru nara kizutsuite mo ii

wasurenaide itami wo shiru anata ni hikareta koto

koko de oyasumi

odoru odoru nemureru made odoru yamanu namida
nanimo nai to kokoro wo fusagu tabi karesou da to
yaseta yume ni "mou ichido" wo utau kanashimi sae
jibun da yo to kotaete kureru nara kizutsuite mo ii

owaru hazu no yume ni sayonara ga saiteru

Until your distress sleeps…Fill me up with your grief

Hello…dear my bride. What is it that you're looking at?
Not even butterflies that have fallen to the floor can be gathered up in those eyes.

What I want to forget is that too-white suffering. The wound that convinces you I believe in you won't die away.

I dance, dance, dance when I'm allowed to sleep. These unrelenting tears...
Killing my voice in these hands that shake weakly, I drop my lips down to you.

Hello…dear my bride. Your footsteps are scorched.
Somehow, it must be necessary that they’re already becoming a ringing in my ears.

The breath I let out without thinking runs across my skin. On a restrained, swaying sword, your smile...

What I want to forget is that too-white suffering. The wound that convinces you I believe in you won't die away.

In my emaciated dreams, this moment I can't wake up from is reflected. God, even sadness...
If you will answer that you’re genuine, then I don't mind getting hurt.

Don't forget it, that I was captivated by you who knows pain.

Right here, goodnight.

I dance, dance, dance until I'm able to sleep. These unrelenting tears...
Every time I close my heart off when there's nothing left, when it feels like I'll wither away…
In my emaciated dreams, I sing “one more time”. God, even sadness...
If you will answer that this is you, yourself, then I don't mind getting hurt.

In these dreams that should end, our goodbye is blooming.

translations with thanks to :
http://community.livejournal.com/gazette_lyrics/

weekend, and lots of bad aura ill fortune

2009-05-04T22:26:00.002+08:00

i had a hell load of weekend fun, i think.

friday afternoon spend time with my kof girlfriends, and night time going over to my relative chalet. though i had a tough time sleeping, i managed to catch a few winks. the next day i went to Wild Wild Wet with my relatives to play the whole afternoon. even my mother joined us, and i felt really glad she wasn't left out. we played almost everything, and i had a good swim in the wave pool. got a sunburn after that though.

saturday night my mother went home whereas i went to deli's birthday chalet. pretty shagged. managed to talk with ben, andy, cow, qiqi, and alot of people. had cupcake from cupples for deli's birthday cake lol it was pretty good. then there was a little accident that happened and it stopped the party fun awhile. around midnight went off to BK to slack a lil, took a nap there. on the way back it poured madly. many went home, leaving me qiqi and darling behind with the others. many played mahjong, whereas the others tried to rest in the other room. deli's boyfriend had a bad drunk, puked alot. tried to sleep through as well, felt horrible.

sunday tried to settle the window thing, dragged a long time. only managed to head home after 3plus. slept alot on sunday.

nothing much today, went to tampines hoping for something; guess the joke's on me. 16wins on BlazBlue with Ragna. i didn't feel anything though, maybe because i was too caught up in the mood of disappointment.

i feel like im in the period of bad luck. at east coast, i managed to walk past 5 lamp posts which shut off suddenly. i went to the chalet and bad things kept happening. even today, just an overspill of ill fortune. i carry so much hate that i don't know what else is left.

maybe you think its insignificant, i think its a big deal. im so worried when i start to work, i will neglect everybody. which is what happened in my past relationships, and i eventually realised i don't need a relationship when i have work. you might not even know what kinda person i am when i work. whereas i am trying to catch up with the time that we might lose in the future, i think im just doing everything extra for nothing.

its time i set you free.
you don't have to tell me anything anymore.

in order to succeed or thrive

2009-05-01T05:01:00.003+08:00

after so long, i suddenly decided to make a blogskin again. but because i didn't have my Frontpage anymore, i spend a hell load of time to finish this crap. even though in blogskins.com there was a very very pretty uruha template that really tempted me to use it, it reminded me of the old layout style that i used so much that i stopped. and i didn't want to use her image only, thus i have only to recreate another one for myself. its been ages since i have doodled on any template, i think ima getting weak at inspirations, or maybe i have paced myself in a different direction in order to advance in this futile weak life of mine.

the truth is, i kept the worries deep inside my heart, almost burning my heart like being skewered across fire.

when i said i have set myself in the direction that i want to be, can i really do? even if i can, is the world ready to accept one who isn't appearance-wise pretty enough to sustain in it? will i even make it through the interview? will i even get into the course successfully like i think i will? i don't even dare think about it. when i even daydream about it, i don't think i am capable of doing it. sometimes, i'd like to shove the lights right into my eyes to wake up from this dream. i fear that i won't be able to pull whatever i've learnt in school later in the future. would i have wasted yet another 2 years if i didn't manage to do it?

then what's the purpose of my life? people think i have it too easy, because im smart? i'd like to shove it right up their asses if they think it's really that convenient to say things just because it doesn't affect them.

on days like this, the rain seems colder than it should have been, or the sun seems duller than it could have been. when there isn't a light to shine on the path ahead, somehow everything becomes so precarious and omninous. people hence, stop moving forward, as they retreat back into their world of seclusion, leaving hopes to wither, dreams to vanquish.

i am, one such person.

whatever i planned for the year coming, i fear my own accomplishment. i fear if, i failed at what i am supposed to do good at, what will become of me? will there be anything left for me to feel proud of in this world? when can i be a master of something?

ima tired of being a jack of all trades, yet a master of none.

when i think about the future, i see a bleak darkness ill-forcast like the sun is not gonna come out tomorrow. the people around you might say, "just try and give it your best shot". sounds easier said than done. when do you even know if you are making your best effort? when can you feel that there's no regret in whatever you are doing now?

i've always been daydreaming about the future, but when the future arrives, what is left of these dreams? nothing is left other than the last of the smiles in the hallucination you make up in your mind, thinking that life can be perfect when its not going to happen if you wait for it to come.

polluted with the false hopes i gather, i think i might just reach out into this future that i think i am dreaming about. even the day when i wake up realising that whatever that has happened is a dream, i can only rest in peace and think back into the days of such pitiful hopes.

the pain releases from the emotional coordinates makes you go blind in the determination to success. when you step on people to succeed, are you really happy? i don't think i can ever do that, thats why i don't think i will ever become successful. to be sympathetic to your enemies is only being cruel to yourself. even if i understand this statement, i always end up holding a dagger and stabbing myself in the end. what is left in the memories of people you sacrifice for? they probably don't even appreciate things that you do for them, and render you as being foolish, or user-friendly.

the escape of mankind never really fulfills its purpose like it should. and maybe because we are doom to walk a road of destruction, the day when we collapse we might never know the reason for it. we have become such a violent species that nothing we have is precious anymore. what we are left with is the barbaric essence of our primative behaviour.

time could no longer hold us anymore.

we shall destroy ourselves.

air grab vs. grab air

2009-04-28T17:18:00.000+08:00

there's a new definition to grabbing air now ;D

you motherfucking mcp asshole

2009-04-23T02:16:00.004+08:00

i thought when everything opens up like it should be done, truthfully, there's someone who persistently unable open up and accept the changes in life. i find it very annoyed and disturbed because this person is now creating alot of problems then trying to help our family change. just as when i thought maybe my mum can start to change this family, this fucker is apparently the problem that is stopping us from doing so.

my brother and i have started to change for the better, and we have opened up the parts of our hearts to confess, things that we have kept deep in our hearts. i don't understand why is he the only one causing so much problems, and creating this endless void of stress in all of us, especially my mother?

is he really that selfish? is he really that sensitive?

a good friend at course offers to pick my mother up for a friends' gathering, and he gets jealous because he's a man? and he thinks about all the ridiculous possibilities when there is another friend in the vehicle as well? who the fuck does he think he is? he thinks that his jealousy or his attitude isn't a problem so he can use it as and when he wants? he doubts about the course management and thinks he's better?

if he's really that good, he probably won't end up like how the fuck he is now.

everytime people tries to be truthful to him, he ends up mis-using this honesty and orders people to stop whatever the hell they are doing just because he thinks he is right? because he thinks he knows what men are thinking he can force his ideas on us? what does he even know about his own kind? does he think that every man is as ridiculous as he think he is?

what is he trying to make us into?

i really hate him now. just when i thought i can forgive him and start all over, he is the completely worst kind of men in this entire world, who has no idea what this world has changed and is unwilling to change for the new future. obstinate old man who is completely ignorant about this world. fucking asshole.

you won't gain my trust ever again.
because you broke my mother's heart one too many times you fucking prick.

when the cycle of life repeats kharma on you,

you will feel the exact same pain as you have been bring in this family for the past 20 years.

King of Fighters the movie ! at long last

2009-04-22T02:44:00.005+08:00

i am thinking of leaving blogspot to join the japanese colony of never-ending sweetness. therefore i have signed up for it and hopefully its going to be better than blogger, because ima kinda lazy with my own htmls as well. the link is available under my profile so hardworking people who bother looking for it, please do look at the new page and give some comments whether its better than blogger.

its self-editable as well. just that i find their layout good enough to be left unedited.

in the meanwhile, let's just keep the need of that second blog for my happy days and insatiable appetite to upload irresistable chibi pictures of anything. when i mean anything, i seriously mean anything.

i am trying to work hard for what i am fighting for, so i pray that whatever i plan will go as according. but if life has other plans for me, i might as go with the flow and steer it as close as it is to mine.

KOF the movie is going to be released in 2010! and the iori actor is pretty good looking judging from his online photos. but then again, in red hair, is another different story.

the poster just looks wrong... compared to the original logo.

stay tuned... for better or for worst.

Gabor vs. Chrome Hearts

2009-04-20T04:35:00.003+08:00

today as i was on my way home from a very exciting and crazy expedition at the arcade with the BlazBlue machine, i was talking to iris about iori, alba, ash and people who just won't grow old. we also talked about men who are successfully, either the winner-quality or the loser-quality of successfulness. anyways, so i was complaining about hateful japanese doujin-artist who constantly draws iori has a very broke and slumped home and he's very poor and such.

but iris told me that actually in the real plot, he's actually very rich. so she was telling me about iori's interests in certain things like, his Gabor ring, Paul Smith clothings and Fernandes' guitars (the same one that made hide's) etc. and so as she told me about the Gabor ring, i remembered the one that she has and it suddenly clicked in my head, how much did she actually pay for the shiny piece of decoration?

of course i like the ring too, but what i really like beside knowing about Gabor today is Chrome Hearts. so Chrome Hearts has its speciality in all those common accessories like rings, pendants, wallets, bracelets etc. and C.H. is pretty much a popular label in japan as well i think.

so here's a few things that i wanna share, its beauty, of course.

Chrome Hearts' label ring.

Gabor label ring. (iris how much did you pay for it? ._.)

if there's a different design with the plainess of this same ring i may have bought this Gabor ring already. but then again, C.H is really a darling.

but of course the price of beauty is inevitably costly. it's just like Filth in the Beauty, the perfection comes with every price due to its handcrafted worthiness.

which is way, there's always the more accomodating brands with the equal decorative purposes like Alchemy Gothic, and the only reason why i never bought a ring from them is because i don't even know what's the UK ring size. but their rings are really pretty. even the serpant designs are gorgeous, though i probably won't wear it out of fear, just like the Aligator-skinned Gabor wallets.

Pretty, but too cruel to put on.

Alchemy Gothic Black Hemlock Poison Ring

its a passion for the art of beauty for the extraordinary commonity among the daily life. every normality deserves a break someday.

i still love rings like i first started in 1998.

some things, never change ♥

every turn is a new opportunity to life

2009-04-19T02:11:00.002+08:00

back from a lot of emotions today. a complete lost for words to explain. i think i have never felt so much in one day before.

i've been crying like an asshole today.

today, i realised whatever i have done was a complete waste of time. i realised how much of a selfish being i am, and i realised how much time i have wasted trying to think about the past when nothing is going to change. i think i have learnt something today other than looking forward, i learnt to love like a new person. i won't take it for granted, i won't abuse it, and i certainly won't throw away anymore time indulging in history that can never be changed.

even though im very unsure about the road i might be walking into the future, i know if i can give myself a chance again to start all over again, i won't make a second mistake no more. for now, i know what i want, and i will pursue what i want. even though ima going to waste more time to repick everything from start, at least ima doing it right this time.

there's no point in making grudges with things you are stuck with, the only way to see through it is to accept what you have and make the best out of it.

maybe everyone's life has a turning point some way through it, but we just failed to catch the spark, the moment that we can seize to change. or maybe we are too afraid to take a challenge ahead, but like the movie Yes Man! says, always say Yes! to every opportunity, every Yes! is a door to a new beginning.

i thought it was bullshit, i think i'll have to think twice about it now.

i cried with my mum today after knowing that she finally realises how much pain i have been hiding all these years. i think today we finally break the invisible wall in between us and breathed through the same air from now on.

nothing is better than tight ass

2009-04-14T01:18:00.001+08:00

you make my kof world complete iori ♥

just a slight mistake, unmistakably

2009-04-12T05:03:00.001+08:00

sorry baby ... i should do my own things myself instead the next time.
nowadays, there's just too little people trustworthy anymore.

one down, one more to go.

2009-04-10T15:04:00.002+08:00

i just need to put this song up therefore i changed some things.

del is going back to malaysia today, gonna miss my sweet girl badly. hanx and xiong and yumi are going to KL as well to enjoy their long weekend. hope they have lots of fun.

poor darling is sick, i think she might have gotten it from me. damn.. hope she's better today, kinda worried but locked at home with no key. she reminded me of myself on saturday.

yesterday watched Handsome Suit, the japanese movie. it's really funny and hilarious. the storyline is pretty interesting too, speaks the truth from the people who wanna be beautiful. very simple and blissful kinda story, people who like happy endings will be deeply enjoying this movie. so go watch it and learn to be contended with what you have.

its gonna rain now. what a day. . .

Filth in the Beauty and ruki's hair

2009-04-09T00:30:00.002+08:00

oh yea i only just watched Filth in the Beauty PV moments ago, and i have decided ima going to keep this hair like Ruki. dreadlocks ♥

in the stages of recovery

2009-04-06T14:44:00.002+08:00

been sick for days. i think it started on last thurday or friday but i took little notice of it, and thus it ended up pretty bad. had early weekends too, and now, in the process of recovering.

only sort of went out on saturday because of rh's birthday. was supposed to make it for annie's birthday too, but i think i can't drink and my fever wasn't subsiding any bit, it actually went up during dinner.

went to meet rh and the others at bugis. there's alot of people, like 20 odd people appeared and rh was shocked that so many of us appeared. somehow i felt he didn't want so many people, so we ought to be a lil sorry to have just popped up randomly during his birthday. anyways we all went to have this dinner together at a BluJaz Cafe along Bali Lane. its a nice open air eatery that serves liquor as well and i see lots of foreigners patronizing the cafe. the breeze is good and the price is adequate. the cocktails and slings are well polished, its a good chill out place.

the dinner menu is relatively cheap too, they have quite a wide variety of food. we splited up into 3 tables due to our enormous group lol

the side wall of the cafe, showing the night soccer games.

the side entrance of the cafe, looks pretty zesty.

i had some good time while waiting for the food, though i didn't talk to anyone. i was really tired, and exhausted. had lime juice, it was pretty good. everyone was busy muttering to one another when i was trying to relax due to the outbreak of my fever.

the others while they're eating.

i had ribeye steak while darling had lasagna. the lasagna was really good. my steak is something i won't really reccomend people it because its rather hard even though it was medium well already. after the main course i shared dessert with darling.

the brownie is unforgetably delicious.

the back alley along the cafe.

we slacked there until 10plus when we make our way back to bugis junction. rh left with ry and his friend to katong to watch soccer. we played at bugis until the arcade closed. i slotted a credit into the KOFumb machine, won around 5-6 games then i stopped and slacked around the SFIV machines. there's a new game BlazBlue. it's got real good graphics, though its like another version of Guilty Gear to me though. it really likes the same style of combos and such. i stayed there and watched all the way, i really wanna learn to play it.

then after the arcade closed, everyone went to mac to slack. that was when i felt really tired and realised my fever has reached the breaking point. tried to sleep it away at mac, only for 20mins. it didn't work. then darling took me home via cab and took care of me for the rest of the night.

thank you darling so very much ♥

on sunday, slacked whole day at home, trying to rest as much as i can. and even today i am still resting equally much, trying to get this sickness away.

when i thought i was alone in this world

you came with a candle and said, "you're never alone".

the words of fatigue regrets

2009-04-03T17:21:00.003+08:00

there's this moment of silence
filling up like a pail of water underneath a tap
i wonder when will it stop
or when will it overflow
as i incinerate these boiling emotions away
i only start to miss having them before
regret is all that is left behind

and the words of regret bit my lips
how powerful a tool has it become
that conquered my life and maybe plenty of others
living in a lie where we seem perfectly fine
yet so totally broken up deep down inside

no matter how far we try to escape
and how intense we do it
we cannot run away from guilt and regret
it seems like a lock chained to our hands
everything we do now
somehow we may regret years later into the future

i watched your silhouette walk away in the sea
thats when i realised maybe
it was only a dream that i made up
to ease myself of this regretful feelings i have
my life is a lie
and im still breathing in it
watching it as each day goes by

maybe you never existed in my life
and when i look at you in the eye
i don't know if i am dreaming or hallucinating
everything becomes vague and disappointing
whenever i try to make it better

this pain, burns my eye
dry and shedding tears of red
like firewords exploding into a million sparkles in the sky
i wish the day when i die
i can die as pretty as such beauty

and truly die without, regret.

this is kiyoharu for people who didn't know

2009-04-02T12:16:00.001+08:00

because qiqi said he looked like a clown when i adore this cover so very much, thus i have uploaded this true picture of kiyoharu lol

alot of updates with a new skin.

2009-04-01T17:09:00.003+08:00

there was alot of things to update, but sadly recently my memory card spoilt thus no pictures only words. so ima keeping everything very short.

on monday, the day before departure, went for sushi buffet with hito, little and darling. we slacked there till around 5plus before leaving for bunk. darling left at around 7plus 8 since her parents want her to be back earlier and i stayed on with little and the others. packed my stuff at night then stayed up till time to leave for the pick up point.

had breakfast across Golden Mile and set off at 7am on tuesday. we slept on the bus journey since most of us hadn't sleep the night before. when approaching, i had the worst pee-control moment of my life since the indian driver was taking his own sweet time going up the bloody mountain. i felt like i was dying (lol) and only prayed to see the colourful building asap. and finally when we reached, i rushed for the toilet like mad eventually expectedly. queued for the room which took an hour plus because of this slow driver which made us the last few to reach compared to the other tour buses. slacked at starbucks until its our turn.

finally gotten the room numbers around 4plus. while returning to the room, hito suddenly told me she lost her card ._. then i accompanied her back to the lobby to get a pair of new cards since the codes needed to be changed. unexpectedly, we left our rooms again after we kept our stuffs in our rooms. meibe wanted to eat KFC hence we obliged. after eating we walked around shopping and smoking. jielin and trexis smoked nonstop lol since the cigarettes were impossibly cheap. around 9plus we back to our room to rest and most of us took a nap until 1am to watch "Race to Witch Mountain" midnight session. the show was pretty good.

after the show ended meibe went to buy beehoon from one of the midnight stalls. they came into our room for late night supper before we retreat back to sleep since most of them wanted to go play the outdoor theme park the next day.

so they woke early on wedneday morning, and woke me and cloudie up as well. actually they didn't have to wake us up since darling didn't wanted to play the outdoor rides. but we still got woken up by the irritating hotel phone which was damn loud. darling accompanied me to eat late breakfast at the hotel lobby cafe because i wanted to eat the chicken rice badly just like hito wanted her stone-plate rice badly too. after food we shopped around, saw lots of nice tee shirts for like 40rm only. around 2plus meibe and the others came to find us two because it started pouring outside. we walked to Hotel Genting for a nice afternoon tea in the very cold weather.

they kept calling me Shen Xian aka God because i didn't wear a jacket and was wearing slacks and slippers in spite of the cold weather where most of them were freezing lol we had cakes, cupcakes, coffee and tea. hito didn't eat though ._.

4plus the rain stopped and they went back to play outside. i asked darling if she wanted to play the indoor rides since she liked the bumper cars alot. so we bought our indoor tickets and spammed the slack and peaceful indoor rides together until dinner time. i took quite a number of photos unfortunately no chance to upload them anymore =="

nearing dinner time we all went back to our rooms to either change or rest abit. jielin told us she will be going clubbing later since a friend she met back in singapore was here as well. i was actually going to ask them to eat Mushroom Garden restaurant since the food there is good and relatively cheap. but it was really cold and everyone was too bushed to make the trip down i guess. hito wanted to see if the stone-plate store was opened thus we accompanied her to see. then she immediately went to buy while we sat down looking at a chinese tze char menu. but then trexis suggested to eat Pizza Hut which the rest of us agreed randomly lol so we waited for hito to finish her food before heading down to Pizza Hut.

we spend 20rm or so there and we were full like pigs rofl. jielin went back to the hotel to rest and changed before going to meet her friend. we went to shop till the most of the shops were closed then we spammed the indoor rides, specifically the roller coaster and the bumper cars. the bumper cars were real fun when we tried to gang other people together rofl. after plenty rounds we went back to our rooms where meibe wanted to do some facial thingy ._. she helped me and hito do as well rofl we slacked abit before going to take a midnight stroll where the night was cooling and comfortable. then suddenly it rained again ==" we went back for another late night supper before lights out.

on thursday morning we woke up at 9am to eat the morning buffet. the buffet wasn't too bad, though the selection was pretty weird. but we had our fill, leaving jielin sleeping in the room since she only returned at 7am from her clubbing. meibe went to buy some gifts for her friends and her dad and i accompanied darling to do some last minute shopping. 11plus we went back to pack up to check out of our room and leaving our luggages at the lobby so we can continue to shop more. i bought tidbits back home for my mum lol and at very last minute a jacket due to some reasons.

the return journey was considerably fast but had some bad moments in it. its really very hurting to mention again. after arrival at singapore, trexis' mum came to pick her and meibe up; hito's dad came as well and darling's parents came to fetch as well. jielin took a cab home. despite darling wanted to give me a ride home, i felt too bothering to accept it and took a public bus home, with my heavy stuff. my slipper broke halfway home ==" fuck.

friday, met the usual guys at bunk. but only a few turned up. and even lesser went for a movie session. lex, little, darling and me went to watch Confessions of a Shopaholic. pretty hilarious, speaks the true soul of people who likes to shop. after the show little went back home with darling. i missed my bus and walked with lex to evo. then went home.

nothing much on saturday night, except for the late night supper at the Tow Hway shop further down parklane where annie and john came to join me and the rest. then the two of them, along with jielin went to St.James to drink. i wasn't in the mood thus i skipped it. watched cow and sky played dota at evo awhile before going home.

went to woodlands on sunday night randomly. had dinner with jielin, hito, simon, poh, soon and darling at cwp. then watched Paul Blart Mall Cop before heading home.

exciting week. lots of activities, but no photos.
im still grieving about my mmc. *heartbroken.

fun is everywhere that you are.
its whether you know how to interpret its existence.

counting to genting once again

2009-03-24T02:09:00.001+08:00

ima counting my final few hours again before i depart for genting lol

see you guys on friday, miss ya all!

the trashed-out adoring weekend ;

2009-03-23T02:36:00.008+08:00

my weekend, impossibly uncomprehendable. it was totally, pure laughter endlessly this weekend before my departure on tuesday rofl.

so on friday, i went to bugis first before my darling came. ima always eager to go bugis for unknown reasons, maybe because i can find my other soul lingering there since i was 16.. anyways so of course i went to the arcade first to say hello to the kof machines. the luck wasn't on my side when i was pwned by a smelly evil yashiro unfortunately. but i guess ima losing my skill-wise since i wasn't playing like i did a long long time ago. darling came late, and when she arrived i dragged her to interactive touch screen games so we both can play together rofl then the funny people came.

little, simon, deon, mystic and i think jasmine.

so they fooled around and helped out with playing the game which we eventually got pwned by ai as usual. then ck arrived as well as lex. we proceeded to eat at the wanton mee shop since its always the most vacant one during dinner rush. after dinner they decided to head back to the arcade since lex wanted to play drums, little wanna play guitar and ck wants to play his ghey pop'n'music rofl the others linger around them, watching them play whereas i went back to take another chance. walla ! i was winning when the previous guy apparently left. we played awhile, watched some dota-ers before we left for bunk which was pretty late then already.

while waiting for the bus, the lame things they did lol

and on the bus, they played the pushing game ...

we had some late night actions with the birthday boy before he was spared from the torture after crowd satisfaction rofl

some went home and some went to lan. i stayed around park lane awhile where we had a very bad late late night while playing which i left soon after some nuisance happened.

on saturday, it was another birthday celebration, and its none other than my toriko, Chris :D

while having to dote this toriko alot because of a lot of things that happened way back then till now, i bought her a pictorial of yoshiki which i hope she likes. waking up at 1130am was no easy task when i slept like around 8am lol

i rushed down to bugis since the gang was meeting at 1pm and i wasn't that late like i thought i would be. we had a long long lunch at Ajitei @ Bugis and a lot of people came. i was really glad to see Yuki too, its been like ages i've seen her and she's still the same bubbly ol'her. we had lots of joking between me, her, vania and annie rofl it was totally uncontrollable. i was glad to see huiling, mendy, doreen, sk and their partners too. mabel came late as well as iris.

Chris toriko, Yuki and Vania, the kawaii trio (:

after lunch some went to take purikura, some went to kino. i went kino and saw lots of vampire novels. wow ._. then lawrence came. its couldn't have been any longer since i last saw this good man. was glad, and we exchanged numbers to keep in good contact. had a short session of arcade with him after knowing he's been so busy he never had the chance to come out like this. the others were slacking at mos, looking beaten while some others left for other appointments.

darling came out at around 6pm since she was trapped at home due to heavy pour around her house area. i met her at Clarke Quay around 7, since iris told me there was a local band jrock outdoor performance and i decided to check it out. met her again at Central when she was browsing through some nice catalogue her friend brought in. its called Alchemy Gothic. i am definitely not as widely-knowledgeable about these things though i like them, so i browsed through the catalogue and it was impossibly short of fabulously awesome.

http://www.alchemygothic.com/
its a british brand but the accesories are undeniably gorgeous ♥

one of the local bands of singapore. the vocalist was doing The Final by Dir en Grey.

there was a lil rain when i came and when it stopped, it had a streak of rainbow across the sky. everyone was taking it. but my phone didn't processed the picture as well as it could have been lol but it was beau-ti-ful (:

a slight tinge of love across the sky

iris wanted to hang out with her friends awhile more so she told us to go ahead with our plans then she'll come join us later. but i know somehow we might not end up meeting later, i insisted to take a photo of her in her incredible outfit. after refusing a million times, she only agreed to take with either one of us. thus i took a photo of her with my darling lolol

the love of my life and my love of a bestie lolol

darling was complaining her hunger since she hasn't eaten since afternoon thus i accompanied her to BK for a nice dinner. we had some talk there, i even told her about the previous night. i love the Central, its one of my personal favourite hang out lol after dinner i told annie i might go over and find her and Ashura since they were working at the Sudden Attack event across at GameHaven. thus i went over to checked it out. iris didn't wanna go over since it was inconvenient due to some work discrepancies.

i never knew Sudden Attack was just like a korean version of Counter Strike. it was pretty exciting. when i came it was the semi-finals already, 4 teams left. i think it was Wondernuts, Team Korea, SWAT and SoShi. i was watching the battle between Team Korea vs SWAT (SuperWetAndThick is the actual name which i can't stop laughing at it when i found out). Team Korea had a very good sniper, he was so good that an amateur like me could even tell lolol but unfortunately they lost during 3rd round - Deathmatch. their teamwork for deathmatch wasn't as good as SWAT.

on the other side, team SoShi won against the Wondernuts. the finals was moved to a small VIP room. GameHaven looks really really decent for the lanshop; its clean, bright, and has good sound system lol and its currently having a promotion on weekdays 50cents/hr between 12pm-5pm lol

Ashura and Annie both were pretty exhausted from working but they were pretty into the finals as well. the finals was exciting, team SoShi's command-in-charge was screaming to his team mates as they fought hard against team SWAT, silent and cool lol. they both drawed and proceeded to round 3 the Deathmatch. it was really exciting at the end when their scores was so near at the last 30 seconds. then there was a collision of both teams when they shoot each other completely as team SoShi wiped out team SWAT with 2 members remaining as the score led by 22-18. atlas, team SoShi won the Razer keyboards and mouse, some 500k acash and 500$ cash.

bright and clean lol

during the prize presentation.

and after it.

we waited for Ashura and Annie to knock off. Iris messaged Annie that she went home already, probably with her other half. darling was tired, and bored when i was busy watching. hmmm.. i don't know to entertain her until she gave me this face :

the i-am-doing-this-face-because-my-darling-asked-me-to face ;x

we left the arena nearly 11pm and walked down to Chijmes for a quick drink. we slacked at La Vi Va again and i had one of their lime cocktails, pretty good but a lil too dry. my throat was pretty bad drinking it. we talked about our friends and work and lotsa things. and Annie wanna go hong some xiaomeimeis which i can't stop laughing. they asked me to go cosplay with them as Iori this GamesExpo in July. i'll probably think about it. we talked about cosplaying Dota too, can't stop laughing rofl

we left at around 1plus, darling walked to the same bus stop with them, whereas i walked up to Parklane as usual for my bus. i dropped by Evo and saw cow working, jieyong and jon playing. apparently lex went home already when he called me earlier asking me if i was going to stay out and i declined. i looked awhile i went to the bus stop to wait for my nightrider. and of course after reaching home, was really tired, almost dozed off during my game, thus went to bed after the game ended immediately.

i woke up late on sunday. darling had a busy day today since she met ron in the afternoon, then went to Suntec to find her parents and such. i lazed around at home, resting, playing some dota games with little, talking to my mum and accompanying her. she's pretty happy i could tell.

went to j8 at night to meet little and darling. i brought food for a china girl that my mum knew at work who at a very pitiful story of her own. my mum tries to provide as much as she could within her means to help her. my mum rocks ♥

little came shortly after i reached. i went to buy alot of things, alot of food unexpectedly which ended all right into my brother's stomach (omg = =; like 10$ of food he ate it all up ):) i ate at mos while little accompany me, as we talked about dota and dota lol then a very tired darling came and rested abit. we slacked till around 1030 before we all went home.

tomorrow is sushi day. the day after tomorrow is genting day!

my ap ; or attitude problem.

2009-03-18T02:04:00.004+08:00

today, i discover something about myself.

when ima sad, just on an average level of sadness, i tend to consume these sadness with anger more than tears. unless its really something that is totally heartbreaking completely, i doubt i will cry. so in other words, i get more angry when ima sad actually.

i don't like to cry even though people think i might be crying all the time. i don't like the feeling of being ridiculed like a moron for crying when other people don't even know what the hell is going on. therefore i conclude by turning these tears into anger most of the time. i feel alot like Negishi from DMC suddenly; when he feels dejected totally, he engulfs himself into total angst and write songs filled with frustration. of course i can't write songs like him, therefore i keep my anger to myself at a level of tolerance within me.

it's a good thing i discover something about myself, since i thought i will never understand myself forever. so knowing something like this today makes me wanna say;

you don't have to come to my blog anymore. you don't have to tell me your problems anymore. ima not angry now, ima not sad either. i just think you should be old enough to handle your own problems. i don't really think that i should be needed to give anymore advices and to be lingered around by your presence. i think i should be wearing out of this commodity known as convenience very soon. im not everybody's tool every other day.

the rainbow has seven colours.

but it comes back to white in combination.

well well well ...

2009-03-17T00:54:00.009+08:00

sunday, had a very bad afternoon. but everything went better around evening. we went to the IT Fair at suntec for the last time on this last day to find cheaper stuff. the Samsung mp3 player i like seems to be way beyond the price that is worth it. for that price i could have gotten myself an iPod Nano. so i dropped the idea.

squeezed through the crowds and crowds of people, ending up only computers, laptops and LCD TVs everywhere on special discounted price. nothing caught my eye, even the iMac booth didn't have much discount to attract alot of people.

thus we left the 4th floor and went up to the 6th floor where the people really are. lots of people buying computer parts, and also memory cards and other accessories. darling bought a new speaker for her laptop, whereas i walked around, looking at people buying the fake iPods and iPhones lol i saw a Wacom tablet which was 1,299$ and it was beau-ti-ful.

audio-technica also had a very nice set of headphones, that resembled the skull candy one. hmm, but i think the price is too unaffordable so i skipped it. looked around for more mp3 selections, but unfortunately there's none. so we collected the speaker after walking around as far as we could. after which we left for Plaza Sing as darling asked her parents to take the speakers back home for her.

met simon, poh and soon and qiqi at bunk since we were late to meet them at expo. lex made a last minute decision not to go for the zouk event, which i think was a rather smart move though it wasn't that nice to fly kite. because i didn't wanna disappoint sky, i went with darling and jielin. queued for a while and we got in. Zouk looked smaller the last time i remembered. Phuture didn't impressed me either.

i now see, why people choose to go St.James more actually.

the event had some hiphop-dancing competition. it wasn't that appealing to me, but it was for the underage. i was kinda disappointed when i found out it was an underage party, it practically turned me off.

the local dancing groups weren't that bad, but i just had no interest. had a glass of free kiddy drink lol. smoked at the smoking terrace, lounged around the 18yr-old side awhile before going to find sky, who spent 2 hours inside waiting for his friends to come in. after the competiton the staff removed the stage quickly for the dance floor to be opened. the underage boys and girls went dancing. there wasn't really any dj spinning i think, the remixes of the music sounded quite dull and similar all round.

jielin wanted to dance but i wasn't feeling that well already. darling was sick, we sorta just slack around in the blasting arena. around 12plus i couldn't take it anymore and i took darling home with me as well. jielin stayed with sky which i have no idea how things went there after. had a quick late night supper then went to bed.

happy birthday little lol

celebrated little's birthday just now in the evening. we had swenson's for dinner. we messed around and i wrote the word ' KILL ' on little's forehead with jasmine's mascara, just like Krauser II lol and because ima using my brother's phone, the uploading of the photo is kinda troublesome, but i will try to get it up tomorrow (done).

the singapore hardcore fan of Krauser II

then after dinner i had a couple of rounds of audi with hanxiang before going up to the birthday routine, of bua-ing wall. but little one was unique, because he was bua-ed across a railing at the smoking area with half of his butt exposed and pained groin lol then we spend some time talking about certain topics before leaving for home and some others going to evo.

my internet still sucks whenever someone at home is playing and talking at the same time to the same person on the phone and online. this totally sucks

on a side note, i went to support Meza Virs on saturday at Heeren because they were doing a promo for Detroit Metal City movie. aries and ashley nu-ers were there too and i got to spend the evening with them (:

larva still looks the way i last remembered him rofl

we must learn to control, and comply.

2009-03-15T09:08:00.002+08:00

i feel like i have sinned. too deeply.

i made an anniversary looked like nothing. and i felt like the day passed so silently because of my selfishness. then when i promised something, i somehow broke it again.

i wanna re-establish a pact with myself, so that i can scar this piece of evidence into my very soul.

i shall,
do whatever that is right, not for friendship or for self-greed
control my desires from temptations
keep to my words and abide by them
stop torturing myself with things that are dully redundant.

ima sorry sweetheart, i think you'll be mad at me. but i choose to say via here, because i doubt i have the courage to bring up this shame upon your face.

i just wanna vent some upsetness.

2009-03-14T04:48:00.004+08:00

what comes of, a person who can spot everything except his loved one in danger?
is he a good man or a bad man?
i don't really know. i don't really care.

even if i die because of this, i don't think anyone fucking cares.

p.s. DMC is the awesome-mous movie. i think people who dream big will make their dreams come true. and it couldn't be any better to see my dearest imouto-chan once again.

i feel, nothing like them.

2009-03-12T13:33:00.002+08:00

Born on a Cusp.

Gemini/Cancer
June 19 to June 23

Gemini is the third sign of the zodiac. Geminis examine the world through intellect. Cancer is the fourth sign of the zodiac. Cancers are emotional and traditional. Those born on the Gemini/Cancer cusp display great imagination and tend to be very expressive. They are interested in heredity and ancestors, and this is reflected in their desire to care for relatives and propagate the family line. They love to learn, and their lives are generally centered around the home.

The astrological symbol of Gemini is the Twins. Like twins, Geminis often have a dual nature and are skilled at seeing both sides of a problem. The astrological symbol of Cancer is the Crab. Like the Crab, Cancerians go through life with a strong shell around them that is not easily broken. Gemini/Cancers are the first to express emotion in any given situation -- the first to laugh and the first to tears. Gemini/Cancers tend to have many different interests that they study in great detail. Gemini exemplifies the mutable quality assigned to it by being adaptable and able to tackle multiple tasks simultaneously. Cancer exemplifies the cardinal quality assigned to it by being strong-willed, persistent and initiating.

Gemini is ruled by the planet Mercury. In ancient Roman mythology, Mercury (and his Greek equivalent, Hermes) was the messenger god. He was associated with travel and transportation. He was a communicator, quick-witted and inventive. Cancer is ruled by the Moon. In ancient times, the Moon, which represents fertility and instinct, was perceived as the Great Mother, responsible for nurturing all life. The Moon controls the tides and all water on Earth, and it has a strong effect on human emotions. Gemini/Cancers tend to be more sensitive to the movement of the Moon, their moods changing with the Moon's passage. Their facility in adapting to new challenges may seem like opportunism, but it is really just a highly intuitive curiosity that leads them to the right people at the right time. Generally domestic and peaceful, Gemini/Cancers often have many friends and acquaintances, and they won't sit still when loved ones are threatened.

The element associated with Gemini is Air. The element associated with Cancer is Water. Gemini/Cancers are very intuitive, and their broad-minded outlook and capacity for abstract reasoning enables them to make strong contributions to projects. Emotion is a key part of their lives and is checked and balanced with logic and objectivity. Their awareness and intellectual approach to life is refreshing, and their emotional honesty is something to be admired.

Gemini/Cancers have close family ties with their brothers and sisters. They often remain youthful and lighthearted their whole lives. These people have a strong association with food and a willingness to always try something new; they often make excellent cooks. Their many interests make them entertaining and stimulating conversationalists who really love people. In their leisure time, Gemini/Cancers enjoy pairing up with a partner for recreation. They often enjoy team sports because of the family feeling a team often provides. Gemini/Cancers are more likely to be ambidextrous than other signs. Physical exercise and artistic endeavors, written or on canvas, allow them to channel their swirling emotions into productive output. Their love for conversation and food ensures that leisurely dinners with friends are highly enjoyable for them, and their inquisitive and literary orientation means they enjoy mentally challenging pursuits as well.

In love relationships, Gemini/Cancers are caring, flirtatious, playful and romantic. The great strength of the Gemini/Cancer-born is in their blending of intellectual and conversational skills. They have the ability to understand the difficulties their loved ones must work through. Their affectionate nature makes them among the most caring characters of the zodiac.

i never felt like how they portrayed my horoscope to be.
maybe ima just a black sheep in the white,
the rotten in a basket of spoilt

disembled the shaft of illusions.

i don't know what the fuck is wrong.

2009-03-11T16:22:00.004+08:00

so sick, so sick, so sick of every problem surfacing.
so sick, so sick, so very sick of the rants that occurs naturally.
so sick, so sick, so fucking very sick of the things that you do.
so sick, so sick, so can't-be-more fucking very sick of the meaningless shallow quarrels.

just go fuck off elsewhere, everybody.

the evening parade of the family

2009-03-11T02:58:00.002+08:00

today i finally met yuki, hito-petto's best friend. she looks like hito, they probably looked like sisters to me lol.

and we had a small snack up at Gelare, since its tuesday. because the waffles are 50% off the regular price thus i decided to throw in a nice treat for baby. i got her an ice-cream waffle, and a cup of macadamia nut latte and a slice of apple crumble which i probably won't have a second taste of it again. looks are deceiving ...

jielin came to join us at around six and had a waffle too. we caught the movie Suspect X (from some Galileo series, detective stuff) at GV. it wasn't that bad, but it sort of just, symbolically indicates that even the smartest murderer, might fall to his defeat because of one unexplanable phenomenom, Love. so love, implicated a totally innocent man, into helping the murderer covering up her crime and creating a total protection against police for her, and in the end, turning in for her as well.

but comparing that, i still prefer K-20 lol.

so after movie, we had dinner at Kopitiam (OMG its finally completed its renovation). xiong came to join us, since there was a communication breakdown before the movie thus we couldn't ask him to join us, and he stoned in bunk for two hours alone killing zombies lol

we headed down to evo since jielin wanted to play L4D and the rest didn't mind. she was screaming away at the hunters, smokers and horde of zombies attacking her, especially the witch lol. everyone died except for hito, she ran into the boat first without spotting anyone in danger. hmmm... *hints lol

life is not about the breaths you take

it's about the moments, that take your breath away.

its the millenium breakdown, universal.

2009-03-09T13:25:00.004+08:00

sometimes, there's a illusionary obstacle between people, and even loved ones. you end up doing the wrong things, getting into the wrong anger, then plonk! maybe it ends, or it gets into a cold war. it's probably like the most common thing happening nowadays.

even now, i don't even know what is going on. it feels like, things are getting worse. the communication keeps breaking down, the actions stop doing the usual things, and even the behaviourals are becoming stagnant. i think that's a foresight of things going the wrong way, is it?

but then again, whoever really cares about how you feel? who would ever try to initiate the action to try resolve the problems arising? friends? they honestly don't really care from what i see. sometimes, it's us who have broken the ability to even talk to anybody else. people are just, changing, no sooner maybe, everyone might stop stepping out of their houses and just stay online typing to each other.

am i heading the wrong way? or am i just trying too hard? or too little.

it feels like insomnia, sleeping pills, and lots of vodka. this spiral sensation that gets your head into a heavy blur whirl and you think you are handling so surely, but actually you might be on your way falling off the stairs, making a complete joke out of yourself.

the sky is falling
clouds gathering
late gloomy days
breaking apart
singing vocals
weeping tears
insomnia
insomnia call
i can't forgive and forget
digging my own grave
relinquish pain
shattered noises
disappearing sounds
sham
over, and out.

break, tatter and delute your minds

2009-03-03T13:31:00.002+08:00

i've never felt as confused as this, and for some weird reason, i don't even have the courage to tell anyone about this vexed feelings for a long time.

it feels like im breaking down
razor slashing stained skin
the crimson pouring from the
sinful carry of pain and sorrow
looking at the world
what accepted of such behaviourals
locking down my mind
stiffening matters to rawcore
waited the chance
to pull and regret
i couldn't make the move
i didn't understand what went wrong
tired and reluctant
hateful towards everything
bearing an immortal bind of denial
where's the truth
beholdering in your eye
never, never seek the inners
for i have lost track of
of whatever i used to have

i think i have forgotten me

a long time ago

i don't even know who is the real me, anymore

the united bisexuals of the gheyhood

2009-02-28T14:21:00.003+08:00

had Ajisen for late lunch cum early dinner, whatever way you put it.

darling had a bad stomach while eating it, my bad.

caught up with the usual guys at bunk, played a lil audi with darling, qiqi, jielin and hanx and del. before closure had a round of dota with little, xiong, sky and darling as well.

late dinner or supper as you would say, before i left with darling and jielin to Chijmes. apparently Leo and Iris and their friends are there, so they asked if i would like to join them. with no plans for the night, i supposed i might as well just do it. we sat awhile at La Vi Da(Va?) for awhile since i came pretty late and the place is closed already. got to know John, Kas and Wei in the process, and they were playing some truth or drink game. but its was alright, since Leo was pretty much wasted before i know it lol

so in order to keep the merryment going, we shifted to St.James' Gallery Bar instead. i felt like the worst stead in this whole fucking world, where i kept forgetting my darling's hungry i kept drinking, even the snacks at Gallery was too oily for her since the Ajisen was bad enough. fucking nonsense me, felt like fuck.

Iris wasn't feeling that well, so she rested abit while the others played 5-10. darling played some psp while i see jielin being slaughtered throughout the whole game. i helped her took 2 shots, and Leo helped her with one, since she was already busted like fuck i think. she looks like she's reaching her limit to me.

she slacked after the place closed at 4am, and every wasted fuck sat outside to wait for the grogginess to dissipated. we started talking and behaving like some crazy shyt when darling stood sober laughing at the drunk people*ahem one only lol. after like 30mins we finally managed to get them to move to mac to eat since my darling was still hungry. and i was finally glad my darling get to eat after i torture her so long ._.

i talked with Iris and John a lil bit. it felt like those, old people talk that sorta thing. but i guess whatever they said to me made some really good point.

finally we, Iris, darling and me, shared a cab home where i bathed and played some psp after. before i know it, i was watching the sunrise like i havent did for some time before i went to bed.

upon the colours of the sky
an aloof rooftop i spotted and lie
daydreaming
endlessly waiting for the time to pass
hopeless
everything seems to be lost
when i flashback
the moment when i saw this rising sun
a new day
a new moment awaits for me and you
everything becomes so perfectly clear
im no longer in blues

in short, life sucks. before you know it

2009-02-27T02:10:00.002+08:00

watched Marley and Me, absolutely touching.

sometimes, there's an anxiety problem hanging on a very thin line where people tend to get over-excited or anticipated to certain scenarios. if such emotions were misplaced, it can turn very nasty on occasions whereby an overhauling expression would have seemed completely redundant and stupid.

for example, people can get too excited about probably a superstar that they faint in their concerts.

but my emotional line has been very fluctuating to most people. however the real me, can get pretty much dull and too-calm that i may seem really boring. when it comes to family, im the complete real me, i don't show much enthusiasm, nor entertainment and such. all and all ima just trying to get the mess out of my way eventually like how it has been floating around in this household of mine. unfortunately, shyt isn't going to clean up by itself this time.

i have an aunt who has signed up for this 4day 3night course in a hotel which requires you to stay in the hotel premises. it's those, changing your attitude kinda course. so now she can't attend it, my mum and her are collaborating to force me to attend it in her place; so as to not waste the 1.6k course fee.

ima 101% not so willing to go at all. but with this choice i pick, the shyt's gonna come all over me and ain't gonna go away that easy.

so im screwed in a 202% manner.

ima controlling this anxiety well enough to control my temper too.

life sucks.

an overpouring lunch with 2 great movies

2009-02-24T02:36:00.002+08:00

i managed to catch the two awesome shows these past 2 days from Cathay. one of it being the all-too-famous He's just not that into You, and the other one is K-20. both shows are about 2 hours long, but they're really worth your time and money.

ima totally into the love comedy when i first saw its trailer on the big screen in Cineleisure. it's got pretty straightforward lines, and the perspective of men and women in different scenarios. lots of interesting dialogue and i think it's really worth a watch for everybody.

as for K-20, ima always a proud japanese movie supporter. so when the title of the show didn't appeal much to me, i went to read the sypnosis and found the relay rather interesting as well. its about a thief framing a circus acrobat and thus causing him to end up in jail, whom later escaped with the help of some friends and is determined to find the real thief and blahblah. it's really really nice in my opinion, the speech is good, the action is well done. if anybody might wanna watch it i don't mind going a second time, this show was really everything, as good as koizora i assume.

and also, today i finally had my first meal the Sizzler(please don't laugh at me -__-). it was pretty good, the salar bar was awesome, fresh greens, pasta salads, fruits, soups, normal pasta, nachos etc, plus a main course and a drink for around 20$. you probably can sit there for hours if you have the time to spare. the steak was pretty good, but darling had a bad chicken grill which was oily as she told me. she looked horrible eating the food down x__x

had dinner with xiong and little as well at pastamania.

and so ever suddenly, my eyes are daunting upon the fact that sometimes, people have the tendency to add fuel to fire, and rub salt into wound. it's really in our nature to destruct, isn't it ?

chiobus are over-estimated nowadays.

2009-02-20T04:12:00.004+08:00

this is a very generic post i am going to make. if you think you fall under a chiobu category, it doesn't mean you are part of whatever i am going to comment. and also these comments are the results of what i have come across and witnessed of. lastly, this is my space, i reserve all final comments to myself *grins.

it has drawn to my complete attention that women, who particularly think that they have the looks and deciding factor to be known as a chiobu (aka pretty girls), are getting more and more absurd when it comes to people around them, especially men whom are attracted to them.

they not only create false hopes, and dillusional commitments to hang out with them, they don't feel that they have created any emotional defection to these people since it doesn't really concern them directly. so it may have meant in a way that, so long these girls feel that whatever they do is correct, they don't particularly care about what would the person they hang out with are feeling. so even if these guys were to feel affectionate to them, these girls won't hesitate to carry a direct confrontation about their relationship, but let the untold continue to carry different definitions to each individual.

i feel with such sympathy to such men of the 21st century.

and also, these girls will be doing such things to several guys at the same time. they, of course, won't think that they're in the wrong since to them, there's no difference if one guy were to feel upset and leave, because a new one will shortly take up his absence. it becomes far worse when it comes to certain celebrations, particularly valentines or maybe even christmas. these girls will probably expect these guys to give them flowers, toys, chocolates or any gift anything. of course certain guys won't be bothered to, but some definitely will, bearing in mind that might be an absolute chance to pull their relationship closer.

amateurs.

i believe these girls might be just looking for an opportunity to show off their popularity amongst guys to other girls who might be part of the community doing the same thing, just that they hate or dislike one another.

and another i found out amusingly, chiobus have the highest tendency to make-believe that they should have priority to certain privileges. for example;

i was taking a bus today. a lady sitting beside me was about to get off. so i politely turned and attempted to get up for her to leave the inner seat. 2 chiobus was standing right beside me, and apparently judging from my actions, they couldn't even move a centimetre just for me to stand up, or even the lady to walk out of the seat. and they dared tsk-ed in my face when they're the one who doesn't even understand basic physics.

it comes to attention, are they just bimbotic, or just thinking they owned the world?

women of the 21st century are degrading their pride to almost nothing. the equality that their ancestors have fought for to be standing tall like a man have seemed to be vanquishing in this running society where they have abused their friendship built with one another for their own selfish purposes. disgusting.

i pity men who fall into these trips and pray your eyes are opened soon someday.

and last but not least...
YES ! Transformers Pt 2 : Revenge of the Fallen is coming out :D

Valentine's the sweetest day in a year.

2009-02-16T02:19:00.003+08:00

and so Valentines, or gaylentines, have passed by peacefully.

i have pre-ordered ;
1. bouquet of roses (which didn't turn out like i hope it did, thus i will not buy from there again, and will save up to purchase from real retail florists whom seem to be capable of delivering a better product),
2. Rive Gauche Gianduja chocolate cake which darling wanted to eat ever since the day she set her sight on (it was supposed to be a Golden Key design, apparently my wordings have taken up the space for the key, and the joke of it all, i had forgotten the month wrongly completely like an idiot),
3. a pair of Metallurgy rings that looked almost like the one she blogged about it (it had her size, but none of mine, however i decided to get it nevertheless since i really wanted it to be special to me and her, and also thanks to the special discount given by jielin's friend)
4. two sets of inner beauty lololol (i just had to get them since they were cute, and i love laces and poker-dotes :D)
5. a handmade Valentine's Day card (which i really think i poorly made)
6. black blazer from Topman (its the most presentable present given i think, and given prior like a couple of weeks rofl)

petto and fatimah exchanged chocolates too, and petto was still as mean to fatimah even on Valentine's Day lol they decided to come join dinner with us, and i felt 250% bad that darling had made the reservations for Pasta de'Waraku for me but end up turning it down since they couldn't squeeze two more in for the reservation.

really sorry sweetheart! but thank you >_<

darling gave me chocolates from Chocolat World and foamy roses ! they are so pretty ... and i have yet to eat the chocolate now, due to a bad stomach (feel like its stomach flu -__-) but thank you darling! i love the pressies :D

well, we ended up eating at the normal Waraku, the one that sold ramens and bentos. it was pleasant, but i really prefer their pasta more. their unagi had so much bones in it ): but their Chu-Hi Lime (cocktail) was really nice lol petto was stealing fatimah's food all the time lol we had the cake there too. qiqi came up to join us for a while before we left for the movie.

we caught the movie The Other End of the Line. it was really good, the storyline was smooth and hilarious at some parts. a nice romance comedy where i think, love really conquers everything in its way.

after movie petto had a second movie Valkyrie with Chiaki and Taki at the Cathay. when i asked fatimah if she wanted to go with petto, she didn't want to since she didn't know what the movie was going to be about lol. instead she joined us to go clubbing at St.James with cow, ckei, bella (ckei's audi couple) and xiong. xiong had to go parklane to find tim for a while and joined us later.

when we arrived, the queue went all the way to beyond Dragonfly across the carpark. anybody could tell the waiting will probably take an hour or two. but thanks to Bella, who pulled some connections, we managed to sneak in which paying the entrance fee but we wouldn't be able to come out since it was rather one-way. the Powerhouse was so full that if anyone fell down, they'll probably be trampled all over the floor and die.

we managed to get a spot around the podium and we saw different girls going up to dance. a couple of butchs went up and caught fatimah's attention. she couldn't stop looking at one of them lol we shared a bottle of chivas and had a toast before starting dancing. darling looked very shy since it was her first time being dragged along to dance. ckei was constantly complaining about his hunger but danced along after my complaints lol fatimah was enjoying herself dancing lol i tugged my sweethear to dance which she finally loosen herself up and shaked a lil :D

Bella kept running about finding her friends and drinking with them, cow danced a lil with us before he went fishing in the big ocean lol xiong queued for about an hour then he came in and joined us. ckei, fatimah, darling and me stayed by to guard the drinks and danced to the music lol i felt so old after coming back into this clubbing scene.

and the best part is, going to the toilet couldn't be as challenging as this.

anyways so before we left, me and darling decided that we shall help fatimah get the attention of the butch she kept looking at lol. darling signalled to her as she squatted down and told her about fatimah rofl she gave her her number generously. and the rest is up to her now.

around 4am we left the Powerhouse. Bella was still inside with her other friends i think, and we slacked outside awhile before heading to mac at HarbourFront Center again. after which, we all went back our separate ways.

we slept really long today, i woke up only at around 4pm lol.

went to meet little and ckei at bunk around 9pm. had L4D awhile while little played dota. ckei went to the arcade. i had dinner with darling at mos and accompanied ck to dine at mac after we're done.

cow came to find us after dinner and we chatted for a while before everyone left home.

ima sorry darling, for the troubles that i have bought upon you, and the troubles that you might be facing at home, which i am the cause of it all. sometimes you have been too kind to me that i feel that i have been nothing but cruel to you. i wish you can put your pain on me, instead of insistin everything is your own fault. i will carry your burden for you if i know how to make it all better...

ima sorry...

you're such a despicable word for education.

2009-02-13T14:10:00.004+08:00

it struck to a certain factor when i realised, the school isn't doing what they are supposed to do. aren't they supposed educated the students, and teach them the right attitude towards people and life, and to study hard?

well, i guess not anymore?

when you have teachers, who couldn't be bothered teaching the class properly if he/she thinks that he/she cannot control the class? or they can't be bothered trying to even keep the class together, just trying to make the day pass like an ordinary working adult from anywhere? where's the aspirations and passion to be a teacher gone to? it seems like even teaching now, has become a regular job, just to make a living.

students cannot expect more from their teachers nowadays, neither can parents.

now, it seems that students are up to themselves to discipline their own self, if they have the will to. or maybe, thats the reason, why education is failing in the wrong sense.

of course, there are still the devoted ones, who are passionate about their career, and is willing to go the extra mile for students whom are equally attentive. but unfortunately enough, not many students get the fortune of such loving teachers.

so what if, you have teachers who can't be bothered with you, and parents who are also equally ignorant to you as well?

there's no one to guide, no one to approach for help, and most certainly for homework difficulties.

is it the individual's fault for being poor in studies, or rebellious in some ways at home?

there's no perfect being in the world. no one can adequately empower themselves to strive hard if no one is there to help out.

the world is getting tougher out there. if we don't even try to save ourselves, maybe its truly the end for us. but the world will go on going, no one will remember anyone who doesn't leave a memory.

even though ima neutral to most teachers, i cannot erase the hate for one, who doesn't leave a concern for her student's feelings, and discriminate publicly, leaving a scarred memory of this poor one. is such the moral of a teacher's doing, or he/she just deserves to be treated the same way?

i have no respect for such immorality, he/she doesn't deserve to be one.

to my heart-aching one ;

2009-02-11T12:19:00.002+08:00

愛は . . . 何であるか ?

the horns sounded
you waved goodbye from afar
i was left by the bay
taken away by a car

day and night
my thoughts linger of you
it wandered else nowhere
sincerely crossed and true

holding this tiny hope
that you will respond
my letters and calls
yet only tears brilliantly shone

till the moment when you
send me a tone
telling me you wont be coming back
not even for me, you roamed

my head hung low
pinning the hope to the bottom
of my sinking heart
accepting the fact in cold term

till i discover
while you were away
a secret that you have kept
miles and miles apart of my way

this ugliness beseeched
as though trampling my grounds
my roses and flowers
the every squared of a pound

i seeked comfort i seeked help
to ease myself from terror
yet you showered me nothing
but words of your selfish anger

as you spoke
my mind contains worries and fear
the moment you might pop the word
i think i cannot sustain but tear

have you not realised the things
i have done and changed
to satisfy your style of living
things i have never done arranged

you hoisted my doubts
threw them out of the window
insist my selfishness
was impossible to burrow

did you see the stars falling
or was it my heart failing
this love so dear
the pain so near

atlas you'd said it
the things that you might want ages ago
and its done, hard like pure gold
you made the decision to let us both go

my head buzzing
wondering if i have done anythin wrong
i sourced long and hard
hoping there's a round about even if long

but i know i must and i will
give up this longing i once had
thank you for the memories
and the shadow you now shared

goodbye my love
or rather the one i loved
i still wish all the best for you
as i have to keep on going like brand new

even though i may not be of help in whatever matters, i sincerely hope you'll be fine. life has to go on honestly, and no one can stay put on the same ground forever. i may not be able to feel what you are going through right now, i believe this pain will slowly go away and then life will be better.

life is balanced, if the bad has visited you, the good will come knocking soon.

so don't give up, the next will be better. life will be better.

at least when you feel lonely, you have our company always.

a cup of caramel macchiato and a slice of lemon cheese cake (:

alot of thinking went through my mind ...

2009-02-11T00:22:00.002+08:00

today, i just watched one of the longest movie i have ever watched ;
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

but the show is really good, the plot is detailed, the story smooth, the creativity is worthy. the special effects are really good, the human details are pretty amazing.

but this show, caught my head spinning in a whirl. got me thinking way into the future, the inevitable ending for all mankind, death.

i've always seen death as a beauty, but deep in my heart i feared its decendence. i fear the results of death; the lost of memories, the time that will wash away our existence. what i really feared was to be, forgotten. i don't know why, i don't wanna be forgotten by time, by people, even though i know its inevitable. fears upon fears that have crept upon my very soul, yet i can do nothing to save myself.

people tell me to read the bibles, chant the prayers, set my heart at ease for the very minimum. i do none, refuse to accept. i believe in God of course, but i think ima not ready to be committed to be his chapel.

some told me to go chant sutras, listen to buddhist preaching, listen to the way of life. i was unwilling too. i don't know why, maybe ima lazy or just plain... confused.

i think right now, i should ease my mind off these fears i have because they aren't gonna help me to make life better.

just a few minutes ago, my mum told me something interesting.

kids always want their parents to get whatever they want. even when they grow up, they still depend on them to give them what they desire. and even when they are of legal age, they still take it for granted that their parents should give them what they want, if they are unable to get it themselves. but, they'll never spare a thought for their family.

sometimes, i think she speak of wise words. because i think what she says reflect alot of people nowadays. i refuse to accept its because she took the course from the buddhist thing, but she finds it a way to relieve stress and the unfairness of life.

maybe i feel guilty belonging to the category she has stated.

maybe i think everyone should be.

filial children should be bright enough to spare a thought for them. and i know, just ... stupid laziness.

randome : my dota sucks! i wanna recipe to improve like godlike! XD

the new skin out of boredom.

2009-02-10T05:14:00.002+08:00

despite taking the flu med at around 12am, ima surprised there's not much drowsiness to force me to sleep. which ended up, a new skin because i had nothing to do.

been down with a flu lately. all these body discomfort started after a terrible mistake i made last thursday, which i still regret very much today. i wonder how daft can i be, and unforgivably regretful i feel now. i feel like, why did my mind give into trickery and deceit? i think that's the biggest weakness of mine, i fall prey easily to kindness or persuasive behaviour. ima kinda sick of myself being like this already.

it's a tiresome thing to be mis-used.

therefore, i will try to recover this saturday since its V.day. though any day to me is v.day as long as im with her, i think if this date is specially marked on a calendar, we should make it more special than our usual honeymoon period lol.

thus i've gotten some of my plans done, leaving just a few more, then i'll be done.

some guys have come to approach me for help which i doubt they even tried helping themselves in the first place. asking someone for help is indeed alot easier than to find it yourself, but soon these dependence have to stop someday because we don't live for each other's need. we live for our own needs, and we only acquire help if we are unable to cope with after trying out. ima pretty sick when people come conveniently forward, asking for helps when they don't even help back on other occasions or they simply don't try.

ima through with this, i think i can handle "no's" now on my own.

i needa go get enough rest now.

tears that pained the skin;

2009-02-05T23:56:00.001+08:00

Someone wake me from this nightmare...

nothing, all i can say is nothing.

2009-02-03T01:23:00.001+08:00

what do you all know about me actually?

i am not sure about anything anymore.

2009-02-02T02:17:00.003+08:00

you have so, disappear from my eyes girl.

your words have deceived everyone in this illusion.

but somehow, i guessed that coming.

mahjong tiredness don't go well with clubbing.

2009-02-01T03:09:00.008+08:00

reeked with smoke, perfume and a tiny trail of vodka, here i am home in my comfy bed after a trip to St. James Powerhouse.

honestly i haven't been there once before, since someone who used to say we should go there someday have disappeared into thin air before i could ask about it. anyways, i went today in companionship to darling's mei, ruby.

my hands, reeked of tabacco smell sipping deeper into my skin, staining.

the Powerhouse is opened till 5am, and officially close at 6 i presume. ruby is still there, since she wants to dance while waiting for the morning train to start operation. dancing... is definitely not my thing, especially after dropping out this clubbing scenario for years, only keeping the pubbing memories alive. the spinning lazer lights and the smoky atmosphere, together with the thumping beat to the hardcore sound of club remixes, its kinda too steamed to stay there for long, for me and my darling.

so whilst ruby was desperately trying to contact and find her friends, me and darling had our first housepour, vodka orange. i tried to ask the waiter about the drinks available, sadly all he could explain was they had vodka orange. well in my mind, it was like a different explanation going on, and we seem to have a bad miscommunication and i jolly well now it. but trying to get over with it, i made do with it and drank it down asap lol.

got to see 3 of ruby's friends, and she was still looking for the 4th one. thus i decided to proceed to the Gallery Bar inside the Powerhouse, where we can claim our second free housepour from.

i swear to you, the Gallery Bar was so much so much so much better.

it's L-shaped, on the second level, sound-proof from the external noise, and it glassed-throughout. you get to see 4 different bars, from the different areas of the bar; like Dragonfly, Powerhouse etc. (i didnt know the other two lol) the bar plays simple remixes, loud but lightly-bass, yet jamming enough to get you into the mood. the layout is classy, and i love the smoking area just behind those doors of the comfort zone. the sofa chair is so godly.

we had vodka lime the second round.

i didn't wanted to choose raspberry, orange or even ribena (god). i know it was going to be dry and refreshing, so i wanted darling to have a go at it. but ... erm... she seriously didn't like it at first, but as the ice melts to dilute the lime syrup, she felt quite comfortable with it, enough. we slacked along the long table and enjoyed the music.

i think ima love with Gallery bar than Powerhouse lololol.

the aircon was really good, till we started to freeze up, thus we went out to chill a lil. walked down to HarbourFront Centre to find supper, where Mac was the only available choice and we just make do with it. we were pretty tired till we practically were having a tough time even finishing the burger properly lol. after supper, we were too lazy to go back for our last round of housepour and we bid goodbye for the night.

and also, the happiest thing that happened was,
i got to see Iris,
aftersuch a long time(((:

but the real reason that i came home this early was because, i had too much tiredness accumulated from the mahjong session the previous night at qiqi's house.

cow, ck, jielin and me went over after catching the show Bride Wars at cine. it's a good show, watch it (: but maybe the guys won't get the affection like girls do...

darling went home because she was supposed to be going over to her teacher's house to visit the following day (which was cancelled unfortunately). hanxiang and delia, hao, xiong and deon went home. sky, jon and lex went to evo.

the mahjong session was tiring but hilarious, all thanks to ck and cow for the utmost contribution. jielin was the biggest winner and i won 2.60$ too rofl.

oh, me and darling went to the airport to pick delia up too early that day.

and little finally got his Razar Black Adder mouse at 75$ lol.

pardon me for the impossible structuring of incidents, ima just cluttered with thoughts and events that i neglected my organisation to relay them lol.

nights people.
and i hope my darling, somehow enjoyed her clubbing encounter today lol (:

cny is just cny, nothing to brag.

2009-01-28T12:58:00.002+08:00

chinese new year to me, can't get any worse this year.

the reunion dinner on saturday was fine, had food to my delight. then i stayed home with my mother, talking with her and helping out around in the house.

on sunday, the reunion dinner at my grandma's house, my uncle can be still as annoying as he was. though i know its impolite of me to say it, we all know his words can be mean and harsh, as he doesn't know his attitude problem as we see. after the dinner my brother went out to meet his girlfriend to catch a movie. i went home, and then with much hesitation went out again to meet little, xiong, ck and sky to watch a movie as well, before playing a couple of games at evo.

first day of cny, i stayed home all day lol. i couldn't figure any place to go, or anyone to meet up.

as for yesterday, i woke up and stayed at home awhile, before going out to meet hito and the others. reached bunk around six and played audi with hito.

HITO'S ME PET NOW ! HURHURHUR ! :D

even though how much she ignores it, i have self-proclaimed it anyways !!!!

then lex arrived, little came with qiqi, and ck, tim and xiong. around 9plus darling came ! *epic moment omgomgomg miss her so much :D

we went to parklane to eat mac randomly, before staying at evo for a couple of dota game with the others whereas my poor pet had to go home )):

today's the third day now... i hope this festive aura is going away from my skin.

you know, the numbness has started to feel pain too.

2009-01-24T13:04:00.005+08:00

another CNY.

another ordinary day.

another non-celebration.

another loneliness.

another way of expressing, that this is a day far worse of than X'mas might have been.

as i look at the people who grumbles about how troublesome house-visiting is, have they wondered about those who have never properly visited their relatives to say a decent hello through these years of isolation? they leading their lives, we living ours, and when this once a year event comes, probably it might be the only chance they get to talk to one another, and the children can only complain of boredom, tiredness and go-for-whats.

if what the children can have on their free time is what adults get for raising them up, why can't the young ones spare a thought for their parents, and allow them this small lil bit of freedom they can spare?

despite so, the only goodness i see of CNY is this moment of reunion, as for those who sees it for money, i beg to differ.

however, i will never get a chance to differ the opinions of many youths, because i'll never get a chance to cherish what people think is foolish.

1700 years have passed i presume, i don't feel a thing towards your coldness anymore.
even though the chilling weather sends a shiver on my back,
it was none compared to your heartless words that rings even in daytime.
ima just a piece of worthless crap to you, like always
despite the things i have done for you, i have shared for you,
apparently it was none compared to my elder
who has none to contributed 'cept for coming home early (in your eyes)
when you actually have no clue of the reality
im always the rotten apple in a basket
a spoilt egg in a dozen
the disable in the society.

what, exactly, am i to you?

Love Matters, all round.

2009-01-23T04:34:00.003+08:00

dota is a sad sad game.

i wonder how long will this charade continue, where people hope too much to only fall greater into the depths of pain. even in a simple game like dota or even maple or audition, there's so much hidden meaning in humanity when one can't even show the slightest friendliness to others. its depressing that we revert back into this insignificant narrow-minded pack who only bothers about oneself and none others.

but i don't really hope to see people quit this game, because we once share much joy together.

onward, Love Matters is a pretty good show. one of the Chinese New Year special movies, it illustrates the meaning of love in the view of Men's perspective and Women's too. crude and simple, it portrays the scenario between a pair of husband and wife non-intimacy period can end up alot of distrust in one and another. and also about a confused son who is indulging in adult entertainment, and a relative uncle who enjoys in sleeping around with online girls.

its pretty much worth the watch to me, because i find it rather amusing and true.

tomorrow's Inkheart i think, so yea, goodnight.

5 pairs of shoes, 2 movies and 1 cny

2009-01-22T02:31:00.006+08:00

i can't believe... for this cny, i bought 5 pairs of shoes.

i never once did buy this many shoes in a year even. this cny, is utmost fruitful to me because, i never did once spend the way i did this year than any other past ones. though its not really that much of the spending that made me happy, rather the enjoyment i get to buy something i like is the bigger view of the estatic moment.

i found my dear son, juraquille's girlfriend working in Haru Goth lol. she was really nice to offer me a discount if i purchased anything there, and i could even approach her colleague if she wasn't there. maybe i will purchase something there someday, if only my sweetheart desires.

walked around far east today, accompany jielin with her shopping along with darling. on the way walking from orchard to far east, i dropped by Tangs Market to find the macaroons and othello that i once read from bunbun's blog. i bought a coffee and a chocolate mint macaroon and one peppermint and chocolate othello. the chocolate othello is heavenly made, whereas the coffee macaroon has no coffee taste lol. but generally its really a good deal as compared to the one from Carousel. it's a cheaper alternative, that's main point i assume lol.

it costs 1.20$ a piece, for both delicacy. do try!

so jielin happily shopped around and she bought a nice pair of comfortable heals. then we came to the 4th floor where i introduced her to the shop Mis'Skuzi. a really gorgeous shop filled with japanese products and be sure of the skyhigh prices. but if you really love the culture, and could use some spare cash, you might just wanna throw them away at this shop. or if you love something more western, there's one on the same floor called Toilette-something lol. pardon but i forgot the name. they sell vintage Chanel, Vivienne Westwood and plenty more lovely brands.

and too, the shop is fabulously pink and black lol.

further down the isle there's a shoe shop, covered in black walls and stacked with Vans shoes. i don't recall seeing the label of the shop but the sales assistant was just too kind. i spotted a heart-shaped-pattern Vans shoes which jielin hesitated for a long time to decide buying it. i bought a nice pair of white Vans too, since i got reaped-off from the one at bugis.

we ended up playing at bunk after that since jielin was broke from 2 pairs of shoes lol. then we had late dinner at HKcafe (since there was nothing else to eat).

sweetheart wasn't feeling too well thus i cabbed her home (:

and also, the night before, the three of us and qiqi went to watch Changeling. it is really a breath-takingly superb show to catch despite the long hours. though a lil heartbreaking that a true story can be this painful, it really is a one of a kind masterpiece. it was worthy of the late ride home after the show lol.

probably catching Inkheart this friday, till then!

ps: as quoted from Changeling;
fuck them and the horses they rode on.

classic.

flu, is the worst thing.

2009-01-19T01:17:00.004+08:00

dead.

i am so down with a flu. i couldn't understand how i even got this flu. my mum says its because i've been staying out late. but i refuse to buy that reason totally.

i've been messing around lately with nothing. i can't even sleep properly for quite a while. if i sleep too late, i still end up waking up before noon. my deprive of sleep, perhaps, is the biggest reason behind this illness befalling on me. but of course, i think i shall be good and go to sleep soon after this blog post.

i really, don't wanna fall sick, this chinese new year, again.

even though i practically only rot during this festive season, because i don't house-visit or any of the usual stuff that the usual people do on this usual festival. i don't really bother that much of it anymore. things are going to be the same for the rest of my life on this celebration anyway.

for those, visiting, i bless you people with utmost ang baos, and please share it with me.

may this illness let me be.

nothing much lately..

2009-01-17T15:45:00.003+08:00

yesterday, i watched this show called Chandni Chowk to China.

all thanks to an interesting trailer preview, and mr.KeeHanxiang.

the show is freaking, 160mins i think.

its pretty hilarious, if you can tolerate lots of indian dancing, wicked chinese slang and weird inclinations with potatoes. it's kinda a cultural film, but its nice enough to let me continue watching. there were a few people who just left the cinema after 30mins. i guess they just couldn't appreciate the film.

deldel came to singapore on wednesday, because hanxiang couldn't stand himself sleeping all day everyday anymore lol i think he just misses her.

i managed to cut darling's hair, even though i personally am not satisfied with it.

ima gonan to stop my bleeding for a while now. see ya round people.

random quotations.

2009-01-15T13:39:00.006+08:00

As long as people have friends to share their sadness,
it becomes easier to bear.

- Shakespeare

When two people cry together for the first time,
they understand how much they love each other .

- Emile Deschamps

Love is a sacred madness.

- Renaissance Proverb

are you people senile, retarded or just plain idiotic?

2009-01-15T01:47:00.004+08:00

there's a wicked aura going around the people lately.

family are losing money, and the fingers are pointed at their own kins.

any explanation is futile, because they take no second hearing, and deny you of your every privacy.

where's the trust, supposedly placed into each other's heart?

this corrupted world, has denied the basics of human trust between even flesh and blood. where's the honour in keeping this kinship burning? where's the desire to share the life and woes with these people? even though there's plenty more to forgive than hate, the limit has been crossed for any normality to bear. sometimes it drives me so mad, to think that these people whom we call mums and dads are actually people whom we trusted, yet who only doubts us.

recently the cases have been growing.

the irritance level has been increasing. and sooner, we can trust no one but ourselves.

despite myself, not having to face such a disappointing manner, i feel for the people around me. and their disappointment has climbed higher and higher into the coldness of the altitudes. no sooner the bond might freeze before it burns out. why have we destroyed this harmony in between us?

there's no e in harmony, it's not har-money.

i feel enraged, and angered at everything. these people, should have opened their eyes, and investigate their own problems, before pointing their fingers around, and robbed people of their everything.

i fucking hate you, assholes.

the time is here again, my love.

2009-01-14T13:01:00.002+08:00

it's like the moment we kissed, and i know our fate is sealed forever.

happy 19mth anniversary darling ((:

you've always been the one.

failure after failure, when i was about to give up for good, you came and rescued me out of my cell and took me to the land of ever-after.

oh my dear one ;

2009-01-12T03:06:00.003+08:00

sometimes i wonder what keeps the bond closer to the heart, what separates the feelings apart and however did we ever lose the connection between each other?

the frail heart elopes with the galloping beats
the moments that simply take away all the worries in the mind
escapement into the wilderness
terrified of the almost too real reality

although im glad things are back to normal now, i fear the cycle repeating itself someday. this bond that i hold so tightly i don't wish to smear nor lose it. miraculously ima holding onto a calm sanity together so i can piece this puzzle. i don't wanna wait till another day to repeat history for itself. colouring the skies with memories of you and me.

i talk gibberish.

i speak rubbish.

tonight i seem to have coloured yet another meaningless composition of entry. i lose alot of precious time through periods of pain. sometimes we seem to leave out the bigger picture when we focus too much of the small details.

if we lack a lil red, we'll colour it up.

if we miss a lil portion of blue, we'll fill it up.

it we messed up, we can always start over again .

i treasure the times together, let's not break it again.

i am still the worthless crap i am

2009-01-10T01:35:00.002+08:00

ever felt so unappreciated when you thought you have done the right thing?

ever felt so stranded alone on a night where tears can't seem to stop flowing?

i feel that whatever i do for you i seem to be still the same old worthless piece of junk to you. one without the brains, without the creativity that can light a spark, without the intiation to do whatever you desired me to do. i am just that nonsensical worthless crap as always.

even when there are people who don't do anything at all, they seem to be 199% more useful than whatever i have done so stupidly.

should i have just not cared about anything in this house?

should i have just minded my own business?

my eyes have run out of compassion since they have been trampled upon time and time again. today i feel so anonymously stupid. because whatever i do seems pointless over and over again.

i should just die away.

hi people.

2009-01-09T15:20:00.004+08:00

i am back.

excited?

back with a new add, if you never catch it means you'll never find it unless my friends are hardworking enough to update the troublesome me.

im as lethargic as i was at 16.

wow, thats... ...

1780 years ago.

Rentrer en Soi - Misemono Koya

2009-01-02T12:20:00.005+08:00

I'VE BEEN TAGGED BY HITO .__.

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
D'espairs Ray - Kamikaze

wow ._.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Nightmare - The World

hmmm... i guess that meant everything (:

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Keke Palmer - Bottoms Up

Ready to funk up? lol

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Dir en Grey - The Final

sounds like ima about to die ._.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Dir en Grey - Yurameki

this is making no sense now ...

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Asaki - Gekkouyou

.______. ima butterfly who takes people's life now

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Rentrer en Soi - Karasu Iro no Taiji

nope nope... they ain't suicidal.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Yoshiki - Es Dur Piano Solo

Romantically... absolutely you((:

WHAT IS 2+2?
浪漫满屋 - I think I

Right.. at least the artiste has only 4 words.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Maroon 5 - Won't Go Home without You

LOLOL thats so sweet to whomever is my best friend.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Gazette - Cassis

Yea... the song is perfect.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
SID - Alibi

ooo... i like this one.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Dir en Grey - Itoshisa wa Fuhai ni Tsuki

this emo song, isn't who i wanna be.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
D'espairs Ray - Screen

oh my mama, if anyone reads the lyrics please, i only mean it at the last paragraph.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Metallica - I Disappear

LOLOLOL HELL:YEAHH

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
D'espairs Ray - Hai to Ame

it means that my wedding is going to have lots of smoke and rain.

OK!WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Cool - Understanding Men and Women

WTF they gonna dance at my FUNERAL ?!?!?!?

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
BJJ - First Kiss (Clazziquai)

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL (OMFG THATS SO TRUE)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Se7en - Baby I Like You

HELL NO ._. like as a friend yes, anything else no.

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Deja Vu - Run

LOL yes i hate to run.

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Maximum Hormone - Zetsubou Billy

HOHO ! ima die a jrockstar !

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Jamelia - Beware of the Dog

erm... i was scratched by cats before.. nothing with dogs, nope.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Rain - I Do

now why would this make me laugh. AH! maybe when people says I do :x

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
D'espairs Ray - Squall

whenever it comes to emotions, i somehow end up with a hateful desRay song ._.

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Alice Nine - Ruri no Ame

Hey, this one's good.

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Dir en Grey - Ryoujoku no Ame

wow this, i will be more afraid of Dozing Green though lol

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Whisung - 7 Days

HELL:YEAH , ima being loved all 7 DAYSS WOOHOOO!

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE
ColdPlay - Trouble

This is so... goddamn.... true.

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
SID - Natsukoi

OF COURSE, CRAZY JAPAN SUMMER SALE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Rentrer en Soi - Misemono Koya

Tag a few people:
cloudie darling, qiqi, jielin, weiny, icy

last day, new beginning.

2008-12-31T10:22:00.002+08:00

today is the last day of the year 2008.

i think i am really going to club, even to those that i haven't been before.

i don't know why i woke up so early, i just happened to. still kinda shagged, maybe ima trying to adjust myself to this morning clock.

lost in the new world
the time and tides are washing up shore
a new year is approaching
new events new beginning
throw away the old memories
destroy the old habits
lingering along the corridors of fate
a new moment to begin
brand new life
awaits just around abouut a turn

a few new year resolutions, supposedly carried on from last year, the last last, and the last last last.

1. a job (as always, get up you asshole)
2. a new flip phone (to my desire)
3. happiness for the world
4. better health for my mum
5. d'espairs Ray concert this year

surprisingly, that's all i can think about now. ima not as materialistic as i was then.
good thing, i supposed.

you are, all so wrong

2008-12-29T11:29:00.002+08:00

oh girl, you haven't the slightest idea.

and the slightest imagination, or the minimum alert.

you're wearing out my patience, tiring out my trust and proving myself everything about you is totally a 50-50 truth or lie. sometimes, when you want to do something so bad, i spend my every effort trying badly to get the units together so that we can fully function as full team. time and time again, you have mis-used my helpfulness without a sign of gratitude. and it doesn't seems to get better with people around us since they have bent themselves too much to rely on others.

my organisation sucks. please don't come to me just because you think people will listen to me.

i am not the leader of a pack. i am not the hands of a working component. i don't really have to do all this, but i chose to. ima getting sick of the questions that are being asked at me regardless how many times i have chanted my annoyance that, don't ask me make decisions for you all.

i may not have your trust, i may not have been keeping to them. at least i know i don't go asking people to keep secrets that i know i eventually don't want anybody to know.

ima so sick of this charade.

ima sick of having to crack my head just because of someone else. i don't really see why people are coming to me since i don't really go to them. if you want something the next time, go get it done youself. you don't seem to appreciate anything that is left after the deed is done.

i should have listened to Mr ___, and leave you to wake up.

horizon.

2008-12-27T15:45:00.002+08:00

i somehow, decided that i wanted to put a D'espairs Ray image on my blog because i simply adore the latest single, Horizon, which is currently playing on my blog. of course ruki was a hit, but its simply in my blood to use a D'espairs Ray layout. everytime if i change one, ima generally fickle-minded about what to use for a theme. DesRay never falls out of the temptation.

suddenly alot of people have decided to go Japan next year. for summer sales, for shopping, sight-seeing and plenty more other reasons. i probably only want to go to Japan for a DesRay concert only rofl. to see Hizumi in real is my biggest dream. let's hope that i can make it come true before they leave the sights like Mako did when Deadman disbanded last year. it was totally, heartbreaking, for me.

i think ima technically supposed to go to my friend's house like now. but ima not feeling very well due to unknown reasons, i think ima going to skip it eventually and head back for bed awhile more later. i have a sever nose blockage and a cohesively occuring headache. ima grumpy when ima sick, and i supposed it won't be fine to come near me since i'll literally bite. you.

steamed. ciaos.

merry merry xmas;

2008-12-25T15:27:00.003+08:00

firstly.

Merry Christmas to all !

another year is passing, and then its the time to make those new year resolutions once again. ima starting to lose my faith on these things since i apparently sucked my thumb and didn't complete my resolutions for the year before. i don't know if i will be making another one of such lists again, because apparently it'll be yet another disappointing achievement if i don't complete the list again. hell yeah, who goes running around the merry-go-round?

anyway, back to the eve. my dearest mother called me hoping that i was home to help her carry some stuff back from the supermart failed because i left the house like 10mins earlier before she called. so i boarded the bus and headed for town to purchase the remains of my presents for darling, qiqi and jielin. erm i didn't buy any for the guys since they were never the giving kind. i walked around for the Breaking Dawn book by Stephenie Meyer but apparently it was sold out, like completely out, thus i skipped my plan.

then i walked around a lil more and decided to purchase soft toy for jielin since i directly approached her about it lol. she said it was either soft toys or hairbands, thus my instinct was naturally soft toys. as for darling's, i had a hard time choosing the winner amongst the gifts i've set my eyes on, however the handsome elephant boy just took my heart away by its cuteness. im really hoping she likes it (:

not a very fruitful christmas, since i didn't get to spray bangalas this time. most of them weren't really enthusiastic to move down to takashimaya, where the fun will begin. so we bought 4am tickets to Bedtime Stories which was really a bad decision when some of us were really beaten. we ate late night supper and slacked at e2max for an hour or so, watching noob potms and pro morphlings.

and poor lex was ill and really shagged. sorry lexxy.

finally, we dragged time till the movie started. the movie was pretty laughable, but maybe just a good laugh for once, and not twice. nothing goes wrong with Adam Sandler in it apparently lol. i really couldn't stop laughing at Bugsy the bug-eyed ginuea pig. after the movie it was close to the first train, so some of us headed for the train station to wait for the first train. simon said it looked like Resident Evil when we came down, it was packed, crowded filled, with zombie-alikes everywhere lol.

i came home with a very very shagged mind. but a bath made me awake for about 2 hours thus i spend some time with my mother (: which after she left for work, i almost passed out sleeping soon lol

damn, another year passed, and i haven't gone drinking for xmas again. past drinking events were like slacking a corner and cropping a beer that sorta thing. why doesn't anybody want to go to a xmas clubbing/pubbing event? i thought it was gonna be much better in terms of getting sprayed in the dangerous orchard road.

suddenly, i miss China Black so much.

anyways, have a happy day all ! see ya in the new year !

the first, the longest, the last trip.

2008-12-24T01:40:00.002+08:00

today i had the worst entrapment of my life.

today was the first time i have boarded, the longest i have spent and the last i'll ever take of the Singapore Flyer located in between Suntec City and Esplanade.

please refer to the following news :
Singapore Flyer Breakdown on 23.12.2008 at 1650 hours

and behold the biggest surprise, i am on it. i was on the wretched journey with my family and darling on board at 1640hours. when we were almost at the peak of the wheel, it jerked for a few moments and stopped completely. most of us thought it was just a minor stoppage which will resume very soon. however to our dismay, in the next 15mins, the air-condition was cut off under the blazing sun that we were exposed to. it was a horrible burn and eye-soring displeasure. i was experiencing discomforts as soon as i was catching the heat and the dehydration.

the first announcement was made soon when the air-condition went off. they notified us the technical problem that they have encountered and will be solving the problem asap. absorbing the enormous heat was bad, having a crying infant was even worse. he wouldn't stop crying for nearly an hour or so. his parents had a terrible time keeping him calm as well. there was a pregnant lady on board too and she was having a tough time keeping her urinal constraints. about 30-45mins later, the air-condition came back and we all thought it was good to go. however to our disappointment, the announcement came again informing us that they are still trying to solve the problem even though they were just playing the same old pre-recorded system.

sooner before we know it, it was already 6plus in the evening. the scorching sun was residing for the day and soon the darkness starts to fall into the scene. of course it was a beautiful scene but i was too pissed to care about it. the group with the infant started to call their friends to notify them of their problem and one of them was kind enough to come over to the flyer to check out the problem since the staff weren't even polite enough to update about the situation. my brother was getting irritated and so was i. my mum was peacefully playing her DS . darling was pretty tired i could tell, and i was only praying for the damn thing to move.

then it was 7plus, 8plus, 9plus. still no news. i kept in contact with jielin who kindly helped me asked about the situation with her ex-colleagues. i was getting angst by the minute and so were the other passengers. they tried communicating with the staff with the intercom which was constantly interrupted either by weak signals or their rude hangups. i really didn't want to bother but it came to a breaking point that i spoke with the person when he kept asking the same few questions like ;

"how many tourists are there?"

"is there a pregnant lady or child there?"

"is there any tourist with a flight to catch?"

"how many adults and children are there?"

instead of updating us about the situation, they repeated these question for at least 3 times each. i was seriously capped at my breaking point and i refuted back at the situation. i told them we're irritated by the situation and i demanded to know how have they designed for our rescue after the other passengers asking the same questions but only getting repeated answers that were totally irrelevant. so i became annoyed and angered that every time the intercom came, i showed my most enthusiastic response to them.

and further more, jielin told me that her friend told her that they were bringing up food for us. i was thinking if they had the spare time to climb all the way up, why couldn't they just bring us down? of course, the food never came. everyone was tired and shagged. they sent for the civil defence to rescue lower leveled passengers with ropes and harnesses. they managed to only rescue 3 capsules of passengers in around 3 hours? so i asked the intercom how are they going to rescue us when we're like at the peak?

they told me they're gonna harness us as well to repel down.

my mind went blank and when it came back it was fuming.

i yelled in the intercom and repeated our casualties.

"there's a 4-month pregnant lady and a 3 month old infant."

what the fuck is wrong with these people? are they going to risk the lives of the civilians when what they have suggested was rather dangerous? repelling down 165metres of the ground isn't safe, no matter whose doing it. but thankfully they didn't do such a crazy thing. in between periods they switched on and off the air-condition i think because of the cold weather at night. we were freezing eventually, it was rather torturing, both mentally and physically.

so after all the waiting and mind-boggling qualms, at around 2315hours, the intercom came again with a dash of hope telling us that he will update us the condition of the wheel in the next 5-10mins. before he came back to us, we could feel the wheel turning as we looked out with hope. we could see the movements of the wheel slowly turning and bringing the capsules down momentarily. we smiled with joy and cast a sigh of relief that finally we were going to be rescued.

when we came down to the platform in the next 10mins, they hurried my mum to the medical station that they set up because my mum looked pale and almost fainted when she came off. her blood pressure went up to 190 because of the air pressure above. i was worried sick when i found out about it but thankfully my brother was there to accompany her when the staff hurried me away in the other direction without even asking if they were my kin.

they lead us to the bistro at level 1 where they provided complimentary pizzas and juices for the victims like me as well. i went to the toilet with darling and when we came back it was completely filled up crowded. i saw my mum approaching and we decided it was too full to eat there and also my mum wasn't too keen on western food. the Flyer crew provided private transports to send us back to our places. we went to my brother's girlfriend's place, then to darling's then back to ours. we had dinner aka late supper around our house area before we went home.

we had much laughter only after we left the place.

this is the 2nd major breakdown in this month of December for the Singapore Flyer with the previous one stopping for 5hours on the 4th/5th of December. i seriously don't understand why they couldn't just stop the business for a day to maintain the wheel to prevent from the worst case scenarios from happening again? irresponsible behaviour will only lead to ultimate failure in the end.

i am so disappointed in this World's Largest Observation Wheel.

and probably the World's Lousiest Wheel ever made.

i'll never board it again. ever.

esplanade hasn't change.

2008-12-21T22:49:00.002+08:00

chill out rocks.

christmas rocks.

the complete manual to chilling out at christmas is the perfection.

had a wonderful slacking session yesterday night at suntec and esplanade. just a peaceful meal, a sea-breezing music entertainment corner and chocolates and coffee. if only every night could be as mind-sounding as this...

caught the movie IP Man again (don't ask me why). and i should be catching Yes Man ! and Twilight during the weekdays to save money. so people who are interested on the above movies mentioned do tell so. maybe we can have a lovely session together with many others.

the new year is coming. the new resolutions for the year is awaiting for me to accomplish them. new resumes awaiting to be sent out, new careers to be lined up, new people to meet up, and also alot of shit-cleaning up to do since my mother will definitely love me to do it for her. i think this time i really am having clearer plans in my head other than messing up my life over and over again. suddenly, i feel clearer about my life, than i used to be dreaming about it. although i feel that life is nothing but a dream, at least we can do something to make the smallest dreams we have come true.

and the first dream of mine is to bring my darling to genting, just the two of us alone. since she hasn't been there since young like me. i figured, we can start with small steps, to accomplish what future awaits us.

even though i complain alot of about life, i still think life is better than it seems on the surface. everybody lives through different motivations for different things. in different light, we see different colours. in different environment, we survive with different abilities. and blablablah i can go on forever.

i miss having motivations.

so ima glad you guys are back.

today's list.

2008-12-20T18:43:00.002+08:00

new song up by シド .

new layout up for jielin's blog.

hmmm... earlier my mum was grumbling about me about alot of things. but whatever she said i still it made a lot of sense. maybe i was just merely a burden other than anything else to her since i haven't contributing much to her. sometimes, i just think that i haven't been doing much for her. i seriously am worried only about her, sometimes, to the point i forget about what has happened to me all this time.

i can sense my tension level rising fast. it feels like ima ready to break down in front of anybody but her. i fight away my pain when i am at home, and unleash the unpleasure outside. occasionally, i wonder when am i going to discover my breaking point, the maximum delusional fantasy is going to slap me awake.

ima experiencing a headache concurrently, wasted away.

the perfect afternoon.

2008-12-19T15:08:00.003+08:00

a cup of coffee, and a pieces of royce chocolates.

this is the life of the afternoon. the perfect combination for this quiet afternoon of mine. i was doing some soul searching last night. and i figured that sometimes, when you think you needed someone to be a part of your life, you're just short of a little companionship that's all. love can be a huge devotion, so don't mistaken this need for a companion, as a need for love. it comes out much more pain as you see in the other light.

as once a close pal told me,
"love is a luxury not a necessity."

i kinda figured this statement pretty much easily. because sometimes, when you feel hurt and out of love, you whine at the moments of wanting one. humans are a greedy bunch of people, we can't stop wanting what other's have. so we should concentrate on the necessities of life, instead of the luxuries that we need to fight for.

and when your commodities are filled, you can apply for your extra luxury wants.

simple theory, which many fail to understand.

don't get me wrong.

2008-12-19T01:55:00.002+08:00

i don't do charities.

i don't do sympathies as well.

people do ask me am i always that kind to others. but my answer is simply, i'll only bother if i feel like it. you might think ima asshole for saying such straightforward answers, but i think sometimes, i feel that the line should be drawn clear enough to pinpoint the degrees' of concern i will actually go for someone. because i don't like to stack the amount of stress i have in myself. i don't like to, portray myself as a saint, or a care-loving friend whom you think i am.

i've had my fair share of problems, of life, of people and of their troubles. i don't really wanna become another complete asshole whose goodwill's gonna get trampled all over the floor for no apparent reason. in the end, the joke's back on yourself for trying to be a nice guy for people who doesn't appreciate your kind intentions.

maybe you think you know me, maybe you actually don't. don't get disappointed, because different people have their own kinda attitude towards certain things. i wanna be indifferent enough to handle the right stress level.

my psychiatrical level doesn't need to go beyond unstable.

pardon me if showed insufficient care and concern, i have my own problems deep within. just that i don't display anything superficial enough to attract the right attention.

so, don't try to ask as well.

葉問

2008-12-18T00:38:00.003+08:00

葉問 . eep mun . ip man

this show, just fucking rawks. please go and watch it if you are a martial arts lover or fighting-show lover like me. this show is definitely gonna kick your ass with its swift moves and clear fighting scenes. much better than Tsui Hark's style of movie because you can see almost every detail of the fighting style. and further more its a true story, i think it's got that much worth to watch. so movie-lovers please indulge yourself in this inspirational film.

disgrace.

2008-12-17T16:22:00.003+08:00

finally it has come to my attention about certain things happening lately but is just, utterly disappointing to the women-league. usually i don't really bother about such trival matters, but i guess life has really bitched enough to teach others who have become their bitches.

i don't understand why women nowadays can be so shamelessly attached to another person, especially when this person likes them, but they don't reciprocate. the thought of it is humiliating, because its secondary inhumane to cheat people's feelings. so other than that, they also let this poor fellow send them home, give them gifts, bring them out, and spend time with them. but seriously, if they are giving them a chance to develop feelings and chemistry, there's certainly nothing wrong with that. but, if it comes to a point whereby they think it's totally a futile attempt because they can't reciprocate, shouldn't a line be drawn to prevent a gonna-get-worse scenario from happening?

i personally don't believe in a forced-relationship. and i certainly don't believe that, if there are no emotions developed in the trial period, the relationship should be carried on in the wrong direction. it's wrong, in my opinion, from the bottomest foundation of a human bond. if you like someone as a friend, keep it to the limits as one. don't give chances out of sympathy, the results can be devastating. preventions are better than cure. preventing a broken heart is better than healing a broken heart, in my opinion.

and the most complete unforgivable kinda person would be, to have taken advantage from all of the above, yet secretly attempts to confess to another person, and pursues of an underground relationship. you can have that many legs, can you?

prepostrous.

it's unfathomable is it? what such people have in their minds? if they can be bold about a underground affair, why can't they be bold enough to face the poor fellow and tell him the truth? just resolve everything, then there won't even be a need for something underground, everything can be straightforward, clean and stressless. excitment? finding a lil something juicy in this plain boring life? i don't believe that love should be abused for a selfish purpose.

love is the thing that you see, the thing you feel, the thing you want selflessly. the thing that makes the purpose of life more fruitfully.

i can't stand her.

thanks guys for everything !

2008-12-16T16:12:00.002+08:00

because i wanted to experiment on this new code, i have somehow changed my skin eventually lol and i kinda like this one more than the previous one, maybe because it's black. thanks to DayBeforeMisery! thus i managed to decipher her codes with a little reference. very new skin type, something i haven't really tried before so thanks girl (:

had a great day with my baby on her birthday as well as our anniversary. the dinner at chompchomp was awesome. we had fun talking and watching the movie thereafter. it was really memorable, since i myself was too weak to come up with a magnificent celebration for her. i have my friends to thank for, for making this day an awesome one. other than them playing Hotele626 at her place and it was rather disturbing to me. blahh.

and also, thankfully the cake wasn't a disappointment, only that i used the wrong kinda oil at the moment of desperation. i forgot to change for vegetable oil, but luckily it wasn't that much of a problem. and ima glad baby liked the cake. i stayed over for a night but i slept too soon i think since i was too tired. we went on monday and spend some time with xiong and little, since ck was at evo with cow and jon already.

i felt relieved that everything came out well ♥

happy anniversary/birthday darling !

2008-12-14T04:17:00.004+08:00

i won't really comment much about the cosplay convention i went today . saw a couple of really good cosplayers , and also a few disappointing ones . well the theme was retro cosplay , i didn't really see that much of the retroness in bleach or hitman reborn or vampire knight . well there's this guy who cosplayed Masked Rider , he really caught my attention . most of the photos can be just found on sgcafe.com so no worries since i didn't take any . too crowded and too tired to do it lol . jielin , sky , ckei and darling met lihyee around 12plus at expo . i came late at around 1plus . little met xiong at tanah merah around 3plus to come join us . we stayed till around 5plus since i wanted to wait for my nu-er's cosplay item .

we had dinner at bugis' wanton mee stall before heading to bunk for a couple of dota games . my lich was horrible , but my sniper wasn't too bad lol . and my hands are too weak for audition lol

later tonight is one of the most important days in each year i would like to celebrate (: so i better go sleep now so i can wake up earlier later .

a new blogskin is up at http://kumokumo-chan.blogspot.com ! please support it !

and i love you baby ♥
happy 20th birthday and 18th month anniversary darling !

&& my cosplay flashbacks

2008-12-13T03:01:00.002+08:00

tomorrow going to the STAC EOY cosplay event . er . . . it's been awhile since i've attended any cosplay convention . i shall dress appropriate and also hide my identity at the very same time . i wanted to go because i wanted to go support my nu-er who seems to have tied herself up pretty tied with her cosplay props , as according to another nu-er who told me lol if someone were to ask me , if i have how many nu-ers . . . i simply can't answer that question all my life i think . i have too many people coming up to me calling me papa/daddy/otosan as far as i can ever recall .

i don't flirt , so don't point those fingers at me .

suddenly , the thought of going to a cosplay convention reminded me of the times where i used to hang out with my old old buddies who loves to cosplay even up to the every today . i have dropped up the scene since about 2 years ago . in the midst of a relationship , plus a very horrible lifestyle which consisted of bad love , misery and broken wallets . that really put me out of the scene for good , as well as cosplayers humiliating and discriminating other fellow cosplayers . a fraction of singaporean cosplayers disgust me sometimes .

but of course if they produce fantastic results in cosplaying then there's nothing for me to hold grudges against them . however , if ima pretty convinced that they haven't put in even 80% of their efforts then they're not worthy to be spoken of . my ratings for good cosplay standards are tough i can guarantee you . because if 75% of the community have been tailor-making their costumes , i don't see why they should be falling short of anything .

i enjoy watching a good cosplay performance . but i don't forget the bad ones either . i still remembered one girl holding a vanguard-made dagger with a cardboard-made shield in tattered pirate cloth announcing herself cosplayer a maple bandit . i simply couldn't blink off from her attention .

but , i also remember looking at a orochimaru who has covered herself totally in white powder from head to toe , biting a fake long tongue , drawing completely raged serpents eyes like his and holding a handmade dagger which was impressively done .

i guess i'll just have to anticipate everything about tomorrow . i hope i remain anonymous like i have always been for years . currently i have completed the html of my skin , which will be launched on sunday actually lol . and a few more things to be done in the process . . . so pressed for time , so stressed at what to get eventually . ima so afraid i mess up sunday's fun . so guys please come and join in the fun okay ?! i need help , rwars lol .

counting down to 2 days . . . it's that special day again , baby ♥

moving on and on . . .

2008-12-12T01:17:00.002+08:00

darling suddenly came over on wednesday and is staying over till friday night . it's not something bad , well it only means that i have lesser time to plan what i meant to do . so ima pressed for time before sunday comes . . . will be busy for the next 2 days actually , but will still come out and accompany her to do everything as she desires .

and of course since she's here , it broke my chain of sorrow crying lol

recently my dota has its ups and downs , meeting more fucked-up people actually lol . seems that dota this game isn't a polite game at all , everyone tries to be a capable jackass because they think they're good in the game . maybe it's overflowed with kids and noisy teenagers who just can't a positive attitude in life . ima taking dota slowly because it's a casual game . but i do get pissed at retarded people of course , but not as bad as i used to be in arcade games lol .

sleeping regularly now means i can get a job very soon . at least i won't feel that detached from excessive insomnia due to late night sleeping . everything should start to change , since everyone's starting to go into different directions in life . we're walking apart because of life now , but deep inside we're still as close as we first began . and starting tomorrow , lex will be in army now . take care inside my friend (:

many guy friends are going into their army days soon in the following year . it feels like everyone is splitting up lol . but life's like that . we've got to go on eventually .

hungry now lol sudden outbreak . shagged and soon to sleep in my living room lol .
life makes us stronger each and every moment . it's up to us to see it in its light .

malfunctioning . . .

2008-12-10T03:15:00.004+08:00

i have been crying every night since i was in genting . my emotional stability seems to have ruptured and i can't get it back fixed . ima trying to locate the source of this emotion breakdown so in the meanwhile please bear with my nonsensicality . i still feel very broken into pieces .

sorry for the attitudes today guys .

and ima very serious in finding this elephant plushie . please let me know where to purchase it if you have seen it thanks a lot .

yours or mine ?

2008-12-07T02:49:00.002+08:00

ima so sick and tired of everything lately .
ima so annoyed and discouraged at every attempt i made .
ima so irritated and disturbed everytime i cry .
ima so disappointed and crumbled to the life that is unfulfilling .

ima moving on . moving on is so tiring .

whatever.

2008-12-05T00:46:00.002+08:00

i am sleeping early these days .
but i am still tolerating the same kinda annoyance everyday .
today just gotten worse .

the itinerary agenda

2008-12-02T01:30:00.003+08:00

okays , finally back from genting actually since last night . reached home around 12am plus , because the return journey took 9 hours , inclusive of the horrible jam at tuas custom for 1 hour plus . anyways ima back now , so here's the photo update of my trip to genting .

i realised many people who always go genting , they don't really bother taking photos , or even talked about . well for me , it's been like a thousand years since i last went there . so i thought i should be obliged to bring some photos back as a memento for myself since i don't recall any bit of genting actually rofl . so here's what i have been doing . to blog about it , is to allow myself to remember the things i have done there in case i forget in the long run . nostalgia affection .

well it will be majorly about photos , actually ima lazy to type everything out lol and i try to avoid the unhappy stuff , because bad memories are horrible to remember lol

day.01

we assembled at 0630hours to board the coach at 0700hours to begin the trip . so the ride was 7hours long , inclusive of stoppage time and stuff like that . we arrived at around 1330hours and registered at the tour counter to receive our room key . it took around 45mins to wait for it and a further 1hour to wait for our room to be tidied up by their housekeeping . we had lunch while waiting . we managed to get into around rooms at around 1600hours which i almost slept immediately until 1900hours lol . then we had dinner and walked around for a while .

only this photo , i find it disturbing as the statement across the advertisment of the lipsticks from watsons .

day.02

we woke up early like 0700hours , and slacked till 1100hours to begin our theme park fun . my mum was so enthusiastic that she played all the rides with me . even the space shot ride that raises way up into the air and drops down after that , she played with me . and rollercoasters and all . my aunt was busy taking care of her children lol but we all had fun . we played till 1900hours which something very bad happened ; none other than my grandma went missing and we searched for her for more than 3 hours but thankfully there were kind souls who brought her back . my relatives and her were in terrible shock and relief throughout the whole incident . that was enough to tire us so badly that we slept pretty early that day too .

the shagged look of my grandma and my mum after the suspense incident that happened . i , too , was totally exhausted with sore soles and swollen feet .

day.03

on day three , we woke up later due to the over-exhaustion the day before lol . we woke up near noon where my aunt rushed us to get dressed to have lunch at a dim sum restaurant at hotel genting . that meal was pretty pricey but it wasn't that bad . after lunch my aunt wanted to bring my grandma to visit the magnificent temple along the road down from genting . but we missed the shuttle bus by 5mins thus we went to take the cable car ride down to buy some local products . the cable car ride was cheap and fast . after the purchase we went back and my mum went with my aunt to the temple whereas my uncle took his children to play the parachute floating game . i went to shop around alone instead . some peace and quiet atlas from those cousins of mine . i came back to my room at around 1630hours to slack whereas my mum came back around 1730hours . we rested awhile before leaving at 1830hours to head to mushroom garden restaurant for our dinner . the food there was cheap and really really good . i bought tons of chewing/bubble gums there too lol . after dinner my aunt and my uncles brought my grandma to the casino to kill time . i stayed with my mum to look after my cousins .

this photo is especially taken for qiqi because the shop name's BW Art & Craft (inserts wild ROFL)

day.04

this is the day we depart . checked at 1200hours then had lunch and waited till 1430hours for the bus to arrive and fetch us back to singapore . it was a long journey . . . and i caught a photo of a jetstream , just like Koizora (:

the trip was really nice . the weather is so godly ; too comfortable lol . but the price is pretty expensive and the journey's far too long . i hope the next time i visit i can take a plane to KL then a bus ride to half-peak where i can take a cable car ride up next time . should be way faster lols . but ima sure the next time ima going there with my sweetheart (:

ima back now ! time to havoc lol

why do i . . .

2008-12-01T01:42:00.004+08:00

. . . feel like it doesn't make a difference to you whether i came back a not ?
maybe it doesn't really matter at all actually .

suddenly i lost all my communication abilities and desire to communicate already .

boo

2008-11-28T08:33:00.001+08:00

hi! your missed by cloudie. i love you sweetheart! hope your enjoying yurself there <3

counting down to genting . . .

2008-11-27T02:09:00.002+08:00

in about exactly 5 hours , i will be on my way to genting via coach . in 4 hours time i will be out of my house and in 3 hours time i will be calling my mum up from her sleep . which means , i am not sleeping at all tonight , because doing so should make me shagged enough to sleep throughout the journey on the coach lol

well my adorable mother never fails to make me laugh when she went brought like a shop full of candies for my little cousins to eat . well despite having to me change my own currencies , she still couldn't bear to let me die on my own thus exchanging a lil more than she said she would lol and also , she will be taking care of my grandmother so i hope i can help her along the way too . everyone knows i love my mother lolol

so now , i am trying my very best to stay up for the night . i wonder why i don't feel this tiredness usually at this hour but today i just feel like my bed is hypnotizing me to fall into its trap . i don't know why . but nevertheless , ima not going to lie on my bed at all . it will be hardcore staying up . may i be dota-ing , mapling or audi-ing .

see my dearest friends on monday (:
and i am so gonna miss you my love ♥ take care while ima gone .

the recollectional meaning of friends .

2008-11-24T17:58:00.003+08:00

you know , ever since this chalet , i think i have finally seen the true colours of some people , and the so-called friends around me , are they really still the ones i used to love hanging out with , or have they already turned into complete strangers ? this chalet , made my eyes open so widely that i think i wished it weren't this true .

you know , the lies you have been speaking so much to everybody makes us wonder what is the thing going in your mind . the thing that you have been keeping to yourself this badly , yet you refuse to communicate truthfully to the people around you . we , are always around . but we have been treated like we were never there . no amount of content you have shown us but you demanded time and time again for it . you have so disappointed us my friend , or maybe me .

this disappointing circle of fate will drive us round and round eventually because when you're gone , life goes on . the amount of impact left within us is whatever you have been portraying now . but the shattering noises of delusion have opened our eyes to the reality inside you .

lies upon lies , deceits have become so delusional that even you have slowly faded away into a hallucinic illusion within me . don't be shy to admit , don't be worried to confront , don't be greedy to possess , don't be doubtful to confess . sometimes , we just need to stand in front of a problem and just face it .

i've walked my days , cheated on my mother and my friends . but i lived through it , and became a better person .

why are you just turning from my right hand to a forgotten piece of lies ?

finally , the shopping is over .

2008-11-24T00:14:00.003+08:00

finally , after so much procrastination due to school , chalet and laziness , darling and me went shopping with hanxiang and delia on saturday . we met at raffles city shopping centre and walked around . darling met up with hanxiang and delia first because i was late and they had mos burger at basement 1 . the basement 1 looks so messy that i think anyone who's going on their debut trip there will definitely get lost . after food , they stopped by m1 and looked at some phones . looks like delia wanted to get a Nokia E71 , so we also went to other phone shops to look at the prices of it .

after that , we passed by french connection because i reccommended to look at the female collection . but apparently delia didn't want to get anything for herself so no matter how we forced her we didn't succeeded . thus we moved onto Topman since hanxiang got his voucher . it was rather crowded but continued anyways . he took fancy on some shirts and we made him tried a bright red one with stripes lol i reccommended a black-yellow checkered shirt as well and he went to try them on . then i re-emphasized on the fact that he had a little emo-explosion because he hoped for delia to comment on the selection which she didn't lol but nothing bad happened (: i just merely wanted to say out lololol

after that we passed by the 3rd floor atrium which various christmas toys and decoration were displayed for sale . we managed to take a photo with the teddy bear decorations but its in hanxiang's phone .

slowly we made our way down , and caught eye on the Levis' promotion . its about with every purchase above 100% , patronizers are allowed to bring a pair of their old jeans to redeem 50$ for a trade-in on a 1-to-1 basis . it's like a 50$ discount that sort of thing lol . hanxiang wanted to buy a belated present for xiong , thus we helped him selected a tee-shirt that's suitable for him . after purchase made we walked to suntec and took photo with the giant christmas tree lolol .

hanxiang took this photo for us , whereas i took his one for him . then we proceeded to city link mall while we proceed to move onto bunk . and we made a discovery called Marvelous Cream !

the icecream shop is located right at the end of the citylink mall , which is near the 7-eleven outlet in it . the special thing about their icecream is the staff will place the icecream on their work stand and mixed the toppings with it before scooping it up again and place it in a cup or cone or waffle bowl as you desire . i think i saw this icecream shop from someone's blog too (forgot who) but then here it is on my blog now too lolol

some posters hung in the shop . their delicious-looking ice creams and motto .

the large banner in their shop behind the staff and also the topping stand in front of their work stand where they mixed the ice cream .

although we didn't purchase the cakes , but just look at the varieties of it ! and they are all pretty much affordable :D its really so mouth-watering T_T

so after the relatively long queue , we finally got our ice cream ! i bought caramel chocolate twist and hanxiang bought mixed berry cheesecake . the one i got is really nice , its not too sweet thought its caramelic , and has a lot of nuts (am nut-lover) . the icecream texture is really firm and nice . hanxiang's one looks appetizing too , just that he complained it was really sour lol

we walked as we ate to the mrt station where we made our way to bunk . played a few games there together and qiqi came to open comp with us too . lex still continued his dota spree endlessly with alvin . around 930pm we went to the food court for late dinner . the 5 of us , plus sean and his gf and hao and ckei came to join us . after dinner we went back and played audi together again lol .

after bunk closed we went to cathay and checked the seatings for the movie City of Ember . lex and ckei watched the show with cow and jon and jieyong the night before thus they went to evo instead . qiqi watched with me and darling , hanxiang and delia at 1am . the show was pretty interesting and i really liked the effects made for the escape from Ember . a 90min movie and its pretty good as compared to the movies released lately .

the show ended around 230am where we went to parklane to find the others . we watched them played dota one round whereas hanxiang and delia left before us . i took NR6 with darling and qiqi took cab home with lex . and the nightrider only cost me 71cents ! don't ask me why , i don't know as well . when we tapped the card while getting off it only scanned 71 cents ! rofl rofl . darling had supper before we went home (:

today we woke up around 5plus lolol it was raining pretty heavy so we slacked all day home . i cooked dinner for darling again , as usual white spaghetti . she seems to like it alot thus ima so glad lol .

3 more days to genting . . . ima gonna miss you ♥

the chalet ! 1911-2111 .

2008-11-22T04:56:00.003+08:00

finally back from the chalet . though i had trouble even moving around the chalet , i guess i just held back my pain and continued enjoying myself in the chalet . on wednesday , qiqi , little and darling and me met together along the way to Pasir Ris as we had lunch there before checking in with ckei at around 230pm . we had a corner unit which was directly next to Wild Wild Wet lol . we dragged till hanx and delia and hao came over before we went over to BBQWholesale Center to purchase our bbq food . the amount we bought ended up serving a 2-day bbq session .

as i was lazying around after buying the food , i slept for about 2 hours since i didn't sleep at all the day before , dota-ing from midnight till morning with little and lex . so while i was sleeping they started the bbq session . i woke up due to xian and andy's canto-speaking session which was very loud . after dinner we slacked around and finally played King's Cup . too enthusiastic in the game that i forgot about taking photos . jon had a teribble time stuffing all those water down his stomach . he alone drank 5litres of water and tobi drank almost as much as that . it was quite fun to play with though very torturing since everyone can't go toilet during the game .

the final King's Cup was drank by adventurous , and brave jielin . it was mixed with a.vodka raspberry , pink dolphin , green tea , beer etc etc .

after the game most of us went to have breakfast at mac , since i , myself , haven't had breakfast eating mac in the morning . after breakfast i came back to bathe and went off to sleep with darling soon . thankfully everyone was giving to let me have the corner place on the bed to sleep in safety lol

next day most of us woke up at noon . we went together to E!Hub to have our lunch at SuperDog as we joked and talked about alot of things . after that we went to the arcade and played a few games . simon and sky played basketball and lex and darling played ddr together . after that we went back to the chalet where cow , sky , jon , ck and little went to katong to play lan (which they got scammed off due to bad connection lol ) hanxiang and delia and lex and xiong stayed back to sleep since they didn't rest well . darling , jielin , simon , qiqi and hao went to rent bicycles to ride for an hour or so . i didn't feel like resting so i went off alone to tampines .

its been so long since i stepped foot back into here . there was a little carnival going on and century square looks so beautiful compared to how it was then . of course i only came here to play a couple of arcade games , which i ended up spending only 2 credits , and lasted for 2 hours lol . after my game i went back to the chalet via train .

the night scenery is so much prettier isn't it ?

when i went back to the chalet , i finally remembered to take photos this time round . simon and hanxiang were helping in bbq-ing the food . i took my handphone and started taking the photos .

i sat next to darling and we enjoyed the food , because it was so much better than the food cooked on the previous night . we sat with hanxiang and delia and qiqi and lex . so i naturally took photos of them as well . lex sang The Winner takes it All and qiqi chereographed with him the dance steps just like Mamma Mia lol .

while waiting for the food . . .

i took photos of the hungry people , and a pair of lovely kor and mei lol

when the food came , the loving couple shared their food together . as loving as usual (:

the kor and the mei had trouble sharing their own food ; and the others are still waiting for their share lol .

some random photos as well lol and one happy family .

so we ate till like 9plus then the lan-gamers finally came back . i didn't really take much photos of them because it was really too dark to take since i had no flash and they were really busy eating most of the time . so i managed to take some random photos as well lol .

a very tired ckei who doesn't know i took a photo of him , and a hungry cow whose back-facing the light and made it impossible to shoot a clear shot . and yes , he was busy eating his otah__otah .

jon was cooking his fair share of the food since we the early birds have ceased operation and little finally allowing me to take his sadako-alike facial expression lol

i took this photo of xiong because i was worried i couldn't get him on my phone lols . and lazy qiqi nua-ing the whole day on day 2 of the chalet .

after eating , some of us played truth or dare . darling went to bathe and then slept in the room since she was really really tired . i played with the others and we made up some ridiculous dares for the victims to do . the other chalet-ers were also playing , but they could have been a little kinder by not saying demoralising mean stuff . we played like nearly 3hours of it , since there are people going back to rest and new people coming out to join in the fun . the dares got really worse with each new participant . eg ;

1. xiong had to pee into the barbeque pit to extinguish the remaining heat .
2. jon had to wear his underwear outside of his pants .
3. cow had to show us his butt .
4. simon had to shit in the mcflurry cup .
5. lex had to pee in front of us near the bushes .
6. hanxiang had to pcc on a tissue and show us .

and so on and so forth rofl . we played till like around 1plus am , and went to cheers to buy snacks and instant noodles . it was really a bad night since i had discomforts and eerie aura-sensing as i and defu tried to rush everyone back into the chalet . we went back in they continued talking about their different encounters in life which astounded most of us . but also because we were too loud , some of the sleeping participants woke up and darling was one of them . around 4plus i went to sleep with darling since i was kinda worn out .

but i didn't really sleep at all due to ckei's enormous snoring and he was sleeping beside me . it was really really horrible , and sky agreed with me that it was annoying lol

i was really shagged the following day , friday morning . woke up at 900am and it was totally disastrous since i was damn tired . i see mostly everyone sleeping soundly as we slowly dragged them to wake up at 10am . we checked out like really late , so hopefully it was alright . then we had lunch together at white sands before going home .

darling and me slept after we reached my place . and we woke up late 8pm . only lex , ckei , cow and jon met up with jieyong i think in the evening and they should be going evo which was the reason why i didn't wanted to go out with them eventually . tomorrow should be accompanying hanxiang and delia to shop for clothes . thus i should be sleeping now .

it was really an awesome chalet . we seem to have done alot more in this chalet compared to those there of the old ones . more games , more group bonding . there was so much we had done and enjoyed doing together . at least we didn't hog on the playstation and played nonstop . and neither did we tonned out the night at a random lanshop playing lan like we can do any other day . it felt , really nice .

time for bed now . and next week ima going to genting lol .

the heroic handphone is loved forever.

2008-11-19T01:42:00.002+08:00

do you have a handphone that has actually saved you from some pretty bad damage the environment that you live in can do to you ? well i certainly do , and its the handphone that my darling gave me . works like a guardian angel when she's not around , huh ? well , it saved my left hand today , though i suffered major injury elsewhere . and of course , i can't take a photo of my own handphone , thus to view her please go to qiqi's blog rofl . she salutes to my heroic handphone .

it all happened because i was late and out of desperation , i chased after a bus which i went beyond my slipper limit and fell straight down . and the driver who seemingly was waiting for me , watched me fell , and then drove off after i got up . so in the end my effort was totally pointless .

the damage to my feet and right hand . pretty bad huh ? it honestly was so bad till it obstructed me from walking normally . my left hand suffered a tore thumb injury and it keeps giving this numbing effect right now everywhere .

i had more injuries on my knees . my right knee suffered the most actually . but it looked rather disgusting enough to disallow me of a proper photo thus i refused to put it up to disgust more people rofl . it literally ruptured my jeans and tore a hole in it . my left knee escaped with minor scratches .

so eventually i didn't go home and went straight to meet darling , qiqi , hanxiang , delia , little and hao since i was late . i suffered burning sensation during the bus ride there . then i took a train which a nice lady gave me 2 plasters and a packet of tissue to clean up my wound . singaporeans do have a heart after all . i hadn't taken the photo actually lol . when i reached expo , the gang gasped at my injury which i struggled to clean up immediately upon arrival . hanxiang and delia bought a box of plasters for me too :D thanks ! qiqi helped me along the way around the food fest with darling lol

we had hot dogs , satays , peking duck and laksa . hanxiang bought wanton mee for him and delia as well as grass jelly . qiqi and little bought bagua for their family . i had soya yogurt which i regretted lol i had free flow coffee though *inserts rofl

then hanxiang , delia and hao went home as the rest of us stopped by dbg to look for lex . slacked around a little bit which darling left after the arcade closed and so did little . stopped by evo to find ckei , jon , sky and cow to prevent from going home too early and let my mum see those wounds lol . talked a lil more with those guys and then went home with lex .

now i am having the numbing effect all over after bathing . the wounds are slowly calming down from it and i hope tomorrow i'll get better during the outing . bahhh . . it's been a long time since i am injured like this .

the foodfest gang ! and see you all in 3 days time (:

The Guide to Fucking Metal .

2008-11-18T01:26:00.005+08:00

god , i love this shyt .

tomorrow going to the Food Expo with the usual gang . hopefully won't eat till everyone become broke . december is coming soon , and then everyone will be off doing their respective things in life and so will i . darling will be going to enrol into further studies , lex will be off to army , hanxiang and delia to their bali vacation most probably , and many others . we have wasted enough time to reflect upon ourselves so we need to change ourselves for the better .

i was reading one of my beloved's blog earlier and the thought about her going on a vacation like that , alone and foreign , accomplishing the dream of her life due young , makes me wanna realise my own kinda wishing thoughts too . though i am definitely not as in love in japan as she did , i really wanna make my first stop to japan , then to paris and then so on and forth . fashion never stops at one place , it moves on and on and unite the world in its own secret language .

what i wanna do in this life is to make sure , i live young enough to finish all my youthful dreams . when i grow old , i'll make establishment in my life . we tend to play too much to make known to ourselves that time is so precious . yes i am implying myself .

too drawn into the self-comfort zone that we lose our realism in this world .

sometimes , in the middle of the night . do you feel the emptiness in your mind that rings an echo into your ears ? so loudly that you fall into a state of kharmic reflection of yourself , and the life you have been leading since birth ? does the loneliness of the night trigger the quiet tune of sorrow singing in the center of your heart ? do you stay up all night trying to fight this misery till daybreak where you once feel safe again in the warmth of the sun saying hello to you ?

i've been feeling like this for quite some time . struggling to make myself feel better in times like this but it's not helping when time and time again things aren't really that fanta-bulous in life . or rather , life is consist of 80% downs than ups . this is not imbalance . this is life . i seem to have accepted the missing pieces of my puzzle but i can't seem to move onto the next one with these missing loopholes from the frame . somehow , i wish that things didn't have to missing by itself . i wish i had a reason to lose them .

i feel like my brain is in tact again . at least my thinkings are coming back into one piece with missing holes all over it .

lately . . .

2008-11-17T03:47:00.003+08:00

wow , since a long time since i last posted . maybe dropping out of the blogging mood lately ? i don't know . nothing much to blog . nothing special that is , other than my 17th month anniversary with my darling and xiong's birthday falling on the same day . delia came to singapore on thursday ; qiqi , deon , darling , me and hanxiang went to pick her up at harbourfront . so glad to see her again . and also friday , double celebration day for me , xiong had his birthday celebration at Just Acia and we all watched Madagascar 2 together at Cineleisure .

ima trying to focus into certain aspects in life and hoping that things are going to turn for the better . going to the Food Expo with hanxiang and delia and darling on tuesday , and wednesday for special vacation . next week going Malaysia for 5 days 4 nights . going to mia for awhile again .

dota isn't turning out well , maybe it's just not suitable for me . catching up some conversations with old friends lately . feeling alright now .

happy 17th month anniversary baby ♥

wow ima the devil , i love it .

2008-11-09T16:47:00.003+08:00

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

silenced the ventilation , done .

2008-11-09T00:20:00.002+08:00

let the impossible be done . and yes , my ventilation fan has been stopped from operating . this means either i need a cooler , or i need to regulate the usage of my laptop . no more sounds for now then , at least i can use it in peace ; that i can carry on my template expansion and more digital art . thanks to my baby who worked so hard to do it when she came over this morning after the overnight dota-ing with friends again . i am telling myself , " i must stop lanning this much . "

i just finished watching Good Luck Chuck off my laptop , really really hilarious show despite it being so old already . gonna watch Semi Pro later after this post or maybe dota if the gang is online . shifting from LR to meepo now , trying to drift around already to help assist teammates in game . baby's already so much better than me lol

today i learn something new from a show i watched on tv ;

no love is impossible in this world .

you know , that sounds very mystically believing . but the reality of this world doesn't allow everyone to accept flaws and under-beauty . only a fraction of the people are willing to look beyond the physical beauty and assets to peer through what's the inner spirit of a person . this isn't a lie , this is reality . truth can be ugly but at least its not misleading . i think it sounds very ridiculous when we pin so much hope into love because of lies .

ima not a protagonist so i don't hold much believes .
thus , ima looking elsewhere .

yes ima whining about this 100$ crap

2008-11-07T14:04:00.003+08:00

after the commotion of my virus attack , now another retarded thing has happened to my laptop . it can function normally but the ventilation fan below it is giving this fucking noisy sound whenever i operate it . i swear i didn't do anything to it other than watching Madagascar with it and fuck , it happens . it's not improving its condition or rather , it's getting noiser by the minute . i even bothered trying to remove the bottom of the laptop totally which it simply won't budge . it simply just won't even detach after removing the bottom entirely . i don't know what else i can even do about it other than sending it to the repair shop which i simply refuse to waste such money . this is fucking cursed .

i wanted to even jam up the ventilation fan which i know it would be insanely crazy but i really want to just remove the sound . the most i'll just subsequently allow my laptop to cool down more often without it . i think i might go just as mad as that . fuck .

since hito asked me to help her think of a layout and such , maybe i'll do so only if my laptop hadn't screw itself on me like this . if the question popping in your head is , "are you so pissed right now ?" the answer would blatantly be yes . annoyed and frustrated .

its the month of november now . this is supposedly a fun month but i can't feel my adrenaline pumping . maybe because some unlucky and disturbing things have happened lately . even my room's toilet lightbulb has fused and it's giving off this blinking aura with weak light that looks like a Fatal Frame scenario . try going into that toilet in the middle the night .

i might just as well go out earlier today since , this laptop is driving me crazy . bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . . . . . . .

erm . . was it fun ?

2008-11-06T04:38:00.002+08:00

today was lex birthday , ended up in bunk around 3pm , seeing hanx simon and hao already there . bunk was immensely flooded with teenagers , alot of them . helped simon npced a few rounds to earn dens for him . then darling came and lex came and yada yada yada . . .

really had fun with them , during the dinner at ajisen , during the shopping for bra to stun lex , and so on and so forth . had a lot of doubts during the day , couldn't stop thinking nonstop . almost wanted to ask out , but i think it will probably spoil the day somehow . thus stopped before i would have .

and secondly , think ima not suited for dota-ing lol . thus i think i should be concentrating audi or something else .

it's rather disappointing to see how much i have deluded myself into .

end of story . happy birthday lex .

just some photos , nothing in my mind

2008-11-04T04:28:00.002+08:00

having nothing in mind to really blog now , thus putting these photos up ;

just that saturday when i tonned out , xian was irritating tobi by mimicking him lol

and also the sad sunday when i took a freaking cold bus home , i took these photos upon the misty windows of the hdb flats along the road . it just froze my head , my heart , my pain into numbness .

and not to mention , the lovely ambience outside my grandma's house . love it .
but that day was bad unfortunately . . and i had a very broken face after that lol .

i have been tagged .

2008-11-04T04:24:00.002+08:00

Pick your birth month.
→ Change the font to red for anything that doesn’t apply to you.
→ Bold the five that best apply to you.
→ Copy to your blog, livejournal, xanga, wordpress.
→ Tag 5 people from your friends list.

[ 5 people - qiiqii , ashley , bunbun , lex , meibe]

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, Shy and Humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt and takes long to recover.

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

sensitive , overboard and thats it .

2008-11-02T23:34:00.002+08:00

yesterday i went lan with some friends . first time i felt the usefulness of my the job i chose . but then again after today i played with some a.i. i feel kinda disappointed at the character again . lightning revenant seems so hard to learn for someone with such slow reactions like me . anyway ima just learning for some fun , promised myself ain't gonna take it seriously .

today was fine because baby came home with me early morning . or rather she came out of her house early morning to come over my place for the day since i wasn't free in the evening . after waking up i suffered a horrible red eye sore . though i didn't feel like going over to my grandmother's place , i eventually went because i thought there will be a cake cutting thingy . and to my surprise there isn't , and what else could be worse was , everyone left . i came too late , and i still stupidly went .

so i had a horrible crying session at bishan park , which is opposite my grandmother's house and then went home with even worse sore eye . came home feeling hungry , but because my brother hadn't eaten , i thought of leaving the dinner for him . after he ate , something further horrible happened . which was none other than some wicked guy in my house , mixed all the food with some instant noodles into the soup my mother cooked and walla ! there's nothing left for me to eat .

the saying goes , if you are nice to your enemies , you are just being cruel to yourself .

thus , i went to lie down to rest my eye sore . which after that i came in hope to audi because baby said she was with some friends audi-ing . but after waiting for the 3min-room , i went in , to only receive a " kickmeout " that sorta thing . though it might have been (or should be) a joke , my horrible day really couldn't withstand this joke further more .

bah . tired . should go off now . seldom blogged about daily events , but today is totally horrible .

hmmm . . but what the heck (:

2008-11-01T15:38:00.003+08:00

i cant believe the day i will be interested in dota has arrived . and ima learning the zapzapzap Lightning Reverend lol because i think ima too noob that i needa learn to play range so i can run faster :D

auditionsea really has the old songs back , and the season two series . i see lot of old birds logging back in , like LostHeaven , d3stin3d , tazzy and all those beta players . it feels like old times again , when i used to be a noob admiring all these people who were so much better than me lol but of course ima not really a full-fledged gamer now , unlike the past . slowing down from these virtual games and just slacking .

i want to stop hearing things about you and whatever you do .
because you are getting lesser and lesser clearer in my head as i hear more .
the little angel who used to smile seems to be smirking now .
and all that is left of you are the horrid memoirs of pain and deceit .

hi mich , lemme teach you .

2008-10-30T17:42:00.006+08:00

hi mich , welcome to touran's html coding services .

copy this section in the text box , and look through your html source for the blockquote session that looks like this , and replace it with this :

blockquote {color: #FFFFFF;font-size: 9pt;line-height: 12px;background-color:
#444444;border-bottom: 10pt solid #222222; padding: 5px;}

back into the olden days

2008-10-30T02:33:00.002+08:00

auditionsea has finally posted the old songs back . not all of it , but around 60 plus of it . well that should be much less boring than it originally was with those audition and thai songs . bah , after all it is a korean game . i hope the patch goes on peacefully , since i am trying to download this 400mb+ file which is going to take me 4hours because of its pathetic download rate . they should just put it on mediafire so that it will benefit most people in downloading . they probably choose bad file uploaders when they don't even bother using their own server for players to download .

bah , i just hope this season is gonna bring back my oldies to play so that audition can be just like how it was in the past ; vibrannt and exciting .

and i can't believe ima trying to catch back the Bleach episodes that i've missed . and god , thats way back into the Bounto Era . fug , this is going to be a long 90 episode catch-back . i guess playing too much of darling's Bleach Carnival made me missed Bleach lol . and everyone said the Arrancar (and i took fucking long to try to search for this spelling -_-) and Espada series are good . thus i decided to watch back .

plus , i think ima going to install dota on my laptop and try to play it . just for casual leisure i guess . don't think i will get used to strategic games again . but just try for fun i guess . waiting for lex to pass me my second disk to install .

and also , to mich , what help do you need ? (:

re-layoutted.

2008-10-29T04:41:00.003+08:00

here's the brand new layout after hearing the comment from rain lol . messy was fun and appreciated , but i guess should recollect back this messyness and tidy things up abit . of course now its just slightly better than the previous one , i guess i'd like this layout for the lady in the middle . ima enjoying this layout by the minute for the moment .

the hornedtail runs are finally all over . though i failed 2 mw , i guess since ima already 3/4 quitting maple , i can slowly wait for it . re-queue in the future or something . kinda can't be bothered now about it now . more importantly is after the trip to malaysia getting a fulltime job and touch back into my life . ima becoming an owl seriously and i have no idea what is going to happen if i don't revert back to a daywalker .

i've been working with skins lately and nothing much . keeping my designs going on so that inspiration don't walk out on me on any occassion suddenly . keeping my mind sharp enough .

if things don't happen our way , we should make the best out of it in its way . otherwise we're going to go round and round in circles , getting nowhere ahead in this life .

dire straits . semi-dozing off now .
saraba .

what i actually meant was . . .

2008-10-27T03:17:00.003+08:00

regarding my previous post , i don't really feel anything now . for those who probably have not the slightest idea what i am talking about , it's okay to not probe about it in front of me . i think that people who have been taking others for granted are the least kinda people i want to merge with involvment anymore . i can vouch for myself that i won't be so easily used again .

it all happened on saturday night . which i painfully refused to talk about it anymore .

went out with them . i think i have spoilt my own momentum for a second because i thought that i could mingle back into those days . i was wrong , utterly . time has taken the distance between me and them , multiply it , and placed a couple of taxes on it before letting me cross their paths again . wow , ima deeply impressed that i lost my connection with them .

maybe it's a good thing after all . at least my head is clearing the gloomy clouds that i once had for being a spoilsport for not turning up with them . i had dinner with them , the least that i recalled . i think it was call tong shui hong kong cafe or something .

the decor was lovely , to me .

and i couldn't help just taking the photos lol

and there's them . i see that i just can't click into their world now .

and just them . maybe i should drift away lol

oh the china-ware is adoring , i wished i could bring them back .

i had this baked pasta served in a tim sum canister or something lol
and darling had black pepper steak , and followed on with what i ate lol she was hungry that day

and honestly , i really didn't talk much that day with them . for people who hang out with me , for me to not talk when ima in a good mood is simply impossible . i repeat , impossible . so i guess i know how the world is spinning around me when ima with them , and when ima with others . they always say something that's pretty right all the time ;

if you can't join in the fun , don't spoil the fun . if you think you don't mean anything , don't bother appearing even . if you think they don't need you , dont bother needing them .

hey , that should be a quote of the day or something . people need one another to feel the importance in this life we live . to me , if i can't be of any importance or assistance in other people's life , i should jolly leave that space already . and i think i will , without hesitance .

thus thankfully , i have my buddies to rely on , the real ones whom i can count on .

and there goes lex carrying rh around , and xiong trying to carry the two of them which , unfortunately , in the delay of my shutter , became a threesome homo hump :D

ima ready to go now .

2008-10-26T19:49:00.002+08:00

you know , i agree when friends have to leave someday and move on .
and now when i realise that those who were once close were far now ,
i can proudly tell myself its time to move on too ,
and stop trying to be close to them when they don't really care .
this is life to wake up from , because
what happens then won't happen again .

wow , i am quizzing .

2008-10-25T13:51:00.002+08:00

Starting time: 1:52pm
Name: you don't need to know .
Sisters: none
Brothers: hitotsu

Shoe size: 7.5-8
Height: 165 cm
where do you live: thats none of your business .

Favourite drinks: coffee

Have you ever -

Fallen asleep at school: i say it with sincerity , yes .
Broken someone's heart: ima born a flirt .
Fell off your chair: no
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: no , redundant .

Saved e-mails: i don't read emails .
What is your room like: bright , filled with wardrobes .
The last thing you ate: air .
Ever had chicken pox: ya , at 5 .
Sore throat: i am currently experiencing it .

Stitches: 4 stitches .
Broken nose: no .
Do you believe in love at first sight: no and yes .
Like picnics: i hate sunny places .
Who was/were the last person/people you danced with: my gay friends . (yes lex you .)
Last made you smile: my baby .
You last yelled at: i don't recall .

Today did you -

Talk to someone you like: yea , my mum ♥
Kiss anyone: i just woke .
Get sick: still in the progress of being sick .
Talk to an ex: we broke up badly .
Miss someone: yea , my baby . and my motha-kofmachine-fuckers .
Eat: going to eat .

Best feeling in the world: i don't recall . maybe when my daddy almost took me to sell when i was 7 .
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: every night they roam my bed .
What's under your bed: dust and the monster i have been keeping .
Who do you really hate: someone around me . someone around you .
What time is it now? : 1.58pm

Random -

Is there a person who is on your mind now: yea , my baby .
Do you have any siblings: stop being a retard .
Do you want children: thats even more retarded .
Do you smile often: i laugh hysterically .
Do you like your hand-writing: i havent handwritten in ages .

Are your toe nails painted: thats for fags .
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: my baby's .
What color shirt are you wearing now: green .
What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday: i was at pepper lunch eating .

I can't wait till: god take me to japan to rape hizumi .
Are you a friendly person: the public says yes .
Do you have any pets: toutoumon the stunt hamster .
Where is the person you have feelings for right now?: on the way to meet ckei ?
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now?: yes . always .

Do you sleep with the TV on?: since 10 .
What are you doing right now?: watching creepy magic shows .
Have you ever crawled through a window?: not recall , but i've jumped over my school gate .
Are you too forgiving?: im weak by heart in nature .
Are you closer to your mother or father?: i only have my mum and i love her .
Who was the last person you cried in front of?: my baby .
How many people can you say you've really loved?: 3 . and plenty more unknown online affairs fling .

Do you eat healthy?: thats a stereotyping question that i refuse to answer .
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?: yea . so ?
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?: yea , i was stupid .
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?: bugis , and kill every mothafucker .
Are you loud or quiet most of the time?: didn't i said i laugh hysterically ?
Are you confident?: not really .

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:

1. definitely playing kof
2. definitely studying
3. definitely watching tv
4. definitely bathing
5. definitely sleeping

5 things on my to-do list today:

1. hang out with some girls
2. meet my baby
3. accompany my mum first
4. eat
5. kidnap someone home .

5 snacks I enjoy:

1. mee sua .
2. curry .
3. japanese food
4. pasta
5. ice cream

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:

1. buy whatever music company d'espairs ray is in and rape hizumi .
2. permanently migrate to japan with my baby .
3. travel round the world first .
4. visit vienna with deli .
5. start my own fashion line .

5 of my bad habits:

1. not enough sleep
2. biting nails
3. not retarded enough
4. playing too much
5. procrastinating too much

5 places I have lived in:

1. kk hospital
2. pasir ris
3. bedok
4. tampines
5. hougang

5 jobs I've had:
1. arcade attendant
2. train driver (oh yes)
3. cashier
4. packer
5. freelance tee-designer

5 people I tag:
1. qiiqii (whom i took this quiz from)
2. qiqi
3. baby
4. astrocow
5. my own tag (replying people)

i think ima really bored . i usually dun tag on quizzes that much . half of my heart wants to meet my friends , half of my heart wants to stay home accompany my mum . maybe i'll go out later .

bye afterlunch people .

wtf saw v ?

2008-10-25T05:26:00.005+08:00

hey what the heck , i just realised i blogged on both days at the same time coincidentally .

okays as you all can see , i have gotten the other skin up . although i am not a master at making skins that suit the general's taste , at least i know ima doing skins that i like . i promise the next skin is something so simple and so gonna be cute in some way . my mind is twisted and i cannot foresee what i will be doing with my hands soon .

. . . not something hentai definitely .

i wanna try something with a freehand mouse , no tablet and not much brushes can bring me go . ima trying to keep everything together in my head so i don't lose my creativity before i turn senile . hmmm . . am i getting long-winded again ? ima trying not to be so hysterical over getting old and ima trying really hard if you all can't see lol

i kicked some ass in both KOFumb and MBAA today . god i feel so invincible today . well , just today . i wished i was this good everyday , or rather people always this weak everyday for me to win :D but oh yea , dream on . i won 11 straight wins on KOFumb and another 4-5 in MBAA . ima really getting hold of aoko in mbaa with her priority aerial attacks , and my mai in KOFumb to pwn aerial people , cept benimaru -_- god i hate him , why is he so ghey and so smelly ? nevertheless , ima gonna conquer this cheap bastard someday .

and also i didn't watch movie today (hooray) because i really didn't wanna watch the show The Coffin (yea ima ~~slightly~~ gutless , so sue me) . and i am still in that Saw V is out . there's no poster , no advertisment , no nothing . damn how can it launch so silently even though its a R21 show ? its pretty high expected in the crowds of the adultworld lol fuck , the sadism is back to terrorize singapore .

slacked with darling , qiqi , rh and kitty at cine playing darts , then to centrepoint to eat mac and we managed to slack until they even watched finish their show . which was when i realise the show was only 80mins long lol . so we slacked around a lil more than i took a bus home with rh since lex and the others wanted to walk to evo , which is something i know they won't be going back afterwards instead staying in evo lol rh and me were wiser this round .

so now after a nice cold bath and slacking in front of my computer , ima going off to bed now because tomorrow i might be going to meet those good old'gals whom terrorized virtualand with me since 4years ago .

adieu , nights world . hello kof .

trying to make better skins .

2008-10-24T05:26:00.001+08:00

2 new skins up . i've only managed to update one , will do so tomorrow .
tired , time for bed .

toodles .

the analog-recount .

2008-10-23T04:48:00.006+08:00

dear lappie ,
i cried for you at 525am on 22 october yesterday because i have gotten you ill with trojan horse and evil total secure 2009 . in my deepest regret i made the worst call i could have to my dearest baby and grumbled all over being a sick moronic retard who couldn't have gotten any worse with whatever i'd said over the phone . ended up i stood up all night till now whilst ima blogging about this incident .

i laid in my bed with half-droopy eyes in the early morning and each time i almost fall to sleep my mum will raise her voice just at the right moment to strike me awake till the moment she was out . and after she was out i lost my sleep and suffered bad insomnia while staring at you in the living room , and also my handphone desperately in hope for a reply that never came till 1230am on 23 october . i stared at my teevee watching old cartoons thinking they'll make me laugh which horribly didn't happen . i watched drama that only became too confusing to follow and i switched it off .

i laid on my sofa thinking what the fuck is wrong with my head causing my poor lappie and my dearest sweetheart to suffer because of my inability to keep my head cool enough for a solution . so resulted i have pretty much mutilated myself in some extend to keep myself calm enough not to make a big fat reckus over some shyt-fallen mistake i made . after much attempts at pills and devouring smoke machines , i decided it should be 109% safer for me to stay out than home ; since i was literally rotting in my sofa that my corpse may decompose if i don't do something about it .

thus , i went out , on the record that hanx actually messaged to ask if i was going out . and which is also the only reason that i realised there was an on-going hornedtail today which i thought was not going to happen at all . so i reached zone x , and i played mbaa , with a very fucking smelly loser using warachia . my aoko improved thanks to his smelliness at trying to kill me , just like the day before another son-of-a-bitch trying the same smelly stunt to me in KOFumb . lately , the trend in fighting games is all about winning ; honour has dropped to second place , and conscience has lost itself in the woods . thats why i hate gamers nowadays , despicable and treachous and stopping at nothing to win . blah , losers .

i lost 4 credits to the warachia , but thankfully won nearly 12 of his . so i emerged the winner , in some weird and twisted way since i had to go for my hornedtail . it didn't down unfortunately , because it wasted 6$ for everyone in bunk . i complained to my friends about the trojan i sickly implanted in my poor lappie and they gave me , really good and practical solutions . i went through over my head thinking that i shouldn't just quit when things go wrong , or at least , that was a basic principal in life .

thus i came home , after dinner with them , to fix my comp . downloaded Spyware Doctor as reccommended by them and it removed my trojan horse ! but that was when i realised why i had gotten the trojan horse is because of this spyware-remover program called Total Secure 2009 (which i swear is totally the opposite of what it actual sounds or does) . its proactiveness in advertising uses trojan , both false and real alerts . it's a malware . hence i went to read some tutorial online , and downloaded this really cool Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware program and it totally removed it ! fuck , i love the online selfhelp guiders who writes them .

thus now , my lappie is back in the pink of health and tomorrow i will be creating another skin ! because the latest sotd wasn't really as deserving as i think it should be *kicks a can . thus i'd be inspired to make blogskins till i really get one sotd myself someday . or maybe till i get bored of it lol .

and not to mention of course , i salvaged my relationship too . after being such a jackass losing my head retardedly .

i love my darling and lappie . niteys people (:

is it true ?

2008-10-22T01:27:00.002+08:00

according to a close friend of mine , this person claims the following :

generally in any game , people with the ign associated with the following ;
-zhu , -pink , -gongzhu , -princess etc .
80% of them are buangsters in real life .

i did not say this , my friend did , which apparently i have not proven the accuracy of it . but of course i have no intention of proving it . it's pretty amusing how it has been diagnosed , but to me , its just a general good laugh that's all . i bet those who come by seeing this won't be that pleasant , but please bear in mind ima just a conveyor of the message .

but still , amused . lol